


Alone Together

by imthetitanic



Series: Young Blood [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Art, Asexual Lucifer, Castiel's Father is Chuck, Cheating, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, Drama, F/F, F/M, Family Secrets, Guilty Castiel, Homophobia, Hospitals, Hurt Sam Winchester, Jessica is an artist, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Murder, Sam Has Self-Esteem Issues, Scheming, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Dean Winchester, Suicidal Sam, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, kind of, so much drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-03-26 09:02:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 25,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3845077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imthetitanic/pseuds/imthetitanic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sequel to "Light 'Em Up." </p><p>Someone is trying to break up Sam and Jessica, and keep Dean and Cas apart. Cas is really feeling the guilt from John's murder, and this is just one of the reasons to keep Dean and him apart by any means necessary. Much scheming and general drama ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I've done quite a bit of planning for this sequel, and I'm excited to share what I've come up with. Thank you guys for all your feedback on "Light 'Em Up" (formerly named "I Will Do Something")! A special thanks to [Amahami](archiveofourown.org/users/Amahami) for giving me several ideas and helping me on the angle I wanted to take for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers: Mentions of self-harm, and Castiel is really upset.
> 
> And [here](imthetitanic.tumblr.com) is my Tumblr :)

“He was very resistant,” Ruby said quietly, leaning back into the couch cushions, arms resting lightly on her knees. 

Lilith tilted her head. “In what way was he resistant?” she breathed, leaning close to Ruby’s ear. 

Ruby moved toward her, but Lilith moved away. “He obviously struggled with his attraction toward me. At first he was quite cold and mentioned the rumors about me.” Lilith moved in again, and this time, Ruby knew better than to move. It had been a mistake the first time. 

The blonde pressed against Ruby’s side and bared her teeth. “At first?”

Ruby turned toward Lilith’s voice, and Lilith did not move. “Then he ignored me. Or tried to. I could see his hands under the desk. He was hurting himself.”

Lilith leaned back again, left eyebrow raised. “Oh really? We can work with that.” She smiled, and Ruby found herself leaning forward, trying to get closer to the girl. “Ah-ah-ah, Ruby.” Lilith set her hand on Ruby’s forehead and pushed back. 

Ruby, suitably chastised, sat back in her seat. “How can we work with Sam hurting himself?” she asked. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer. She had struggled with the same thing a few years ago, and she was supremely uncomfortable with using that against him. But if Lilith commanded it, Ruby would do it. 

Lilith rolled her eyes. “His emotional pain must already be high,” she mused, “what with his father having died recently. Plus whatever is going on with Dean right now. Meg noticed something off about him.” That’s right, Ruby remembered. Meg was working with Dean while Ruby worked with Sam. “So, he probably feels isolated already. Jessica Moore seems to be the strongest influence in his life.”

Ruby narrowed her eyes. “You’re suggesting I destroy his relationship with Jessica?”

“That is exactly what I’m suggesting.” Lilith crossed her arms under her breasts. “Isolate him. Then move in on him. Use his urge to hurt himself against him. Then abandon him. He’ll have no choice but to fall back on the only other support structure he has.”

Ruby shook her head. “Lilith, what you’re suggesting might not work out the way you think it will.” Lilith raised both eyebrows in an invitation for Ruby to elaborate. “His entire network has fallen. We can’t rely on him to go to the Novaks for help instead of killing himself once I’ve destroyed him that thoroughly.”

“Plant the seed, then,” Lilith ordered. “The Master needs Sam desperate and alone and ready to come to the family. Or are you not loyal enough to do it?” Her eyes glittered coldly, and Ruby shuddered at the implied consequences should she fail.

“I am loyal, Lilith. I can do this.” Ruby shoved her reservations to the back of her mind. There wasn’t room for them. She was perfectly capable of doing this to Sam, even if she didn’t necessarily like the idea of it. 

Lilith smiled, eyes cold. “Good.” She leaned close to Ruby, who sat unmoving as Lilith pressed a hard kiss on her lips. When she pulled away, Lilith said, “You’re dismissed, Ruby.” 

Without saying another word, Ruby walked out of Lilith’s house. She had work to do.

*****

Castiel had no idea what to do. All he knew was that he had collapsed to the floor, sobbing, after Dean had called him. Dean had called him and broken up with him. Castiel had no idea why he would do that, much less how to deal with that.

This was far worse than the time Dean had told him he had never loved him, honestly. Castiel recognized that Dean had been panicking that John could have seen their kiss, and the reaction was similar to what Castiel himself would have done in that situation, should his own father have been able to see. 

However, this time it was unprovoked. Castiel was unsure of whether he had done something to upset Dean. He had texted him during a class; could that have been it? No, it could not have been that. Dean had promised to text him after class. Then he had not texted him after class. Maybe Castiel had been supposed to text Dean? Had Dean left him because he had not been paying enough attention?

Then Castiel remembered Dean’s tendency to run away from things that got too close to him, and he redoubled his sobs. Castiel had been too clingy. He had been paying too much attention. That could not be the extent of the problem though. 

_Dean doesn’t think he deserves to be saved_. The conversation they had had the night of their breakup and subsequent make-up forced its way back into Castiel’s mind. He did not want to hurt Castiel. That was why he had broken up with him. This hurt so much, though. How could Dean think he would hurt Castiel by caring about him?

Castiel’s bedroom door opened, and Castiel looked up with tearstained face. His brother Lucifer stood in the doorway, just watching him. “What do you need, brother?” Castiel asked. 

Lucifer shook his head with a frown and crossed the room to kneel beside Castiel. “What happened?”

Castiel stifled a sob. “Dean just called me.” He folded in even further on himself, ashamed of himself for crying in front of his brother. “He broke up with me.” On the last word, his voice broke back into a sob. 

Lucifer gave no reaction other than holding out his arms. Castiel gravitated toward them and fell into his brother, still crying. Lucifer rubbed his back while he cried. 

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said between sobs. “I should not be crying like this.” 

Lucifer shook his head. “No, Castiel, don’t apologize. This is natural. You can let this out. There is no shame in tears.” At these words, Castiel’s sobs grew stronger. He heard footsteps outside the door. There was his father, looking questioningly at Castiel and Lucifer. Lucifer shook his head, ever so slightly, and their father moved on, casting nothing more than a concerned glance to the pair. 

Soon, Castiel’s sobs died down and his eyes ran dry. “Thank you, Lucifer,” he said shakily. 

“Don’t thank me. It’s my job. I am your brother.” Lucifer smiled at Castiel as he got up and left the room. Castiel threw himself into his bed and pulled the covers up over his eyes as he fumbled for his iPod and earbuds. 

He scrolled through his playlist until he came to the song he was looking for.

_Whether near or far_  
_I am always yours_  
_Any change in time_  
_We are young again_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is "The End of All Things," by Panic! at the Disco.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading and commenting and leaving kudos! :D
> 
> Triggers: Self-harm. Nothing graphic, really, but self-harm.

Dean got up from his kneeling position on the ground in front of his destroyed car and fled inside and up the stairs. Sam knew better than to follow, but he did anyway after a few minutes of incredulous staring at the remains of the Impala. When he finally climbed the stairs to the bedrooms, he saw Dean's bedroom door was open, but the room was empty. He looked around, eyes falling on the closed bathroom door. 

Panic flooded through him as he knocked, but he kept his voice steady as he said, "Dean?" No answer. "Dean?" Still nothing. "Dean, so help me I will break down this door." His voice had been steadily rising, which he realized as Bobby came up the stairs. "He isn't answering," Sam said quietly. 

Bobby marched up to the door and knocked firmly. "Ya got two seconds to open this door, Dean." When there wasn't an answer, Bobby held up two fingers and bent them down as he said, "One. Two." The door didn't open. 

Bobby stepped back and Sam kicked the door. It didn't move. Sam tried again as Bobby ran down the stairs. He came back up only seconds later, Ellen trailing behind him. 

"Dean Winchester, you open this damn door right now," she said as she positioned herself to kick down the door. There was no answer, so she slammed her foot into the door, breaking it open in one try. 

Sam's lips tightened into a very thin line as he shoved past the Singer-Harvelles to get to his brother, who was crumpled on the ground clutching his opened pocketknife tightly in his hand. Sam glanced at his arms. There were no cuts that he could see. Sam tried to take the knife out of his hand, but Dean would not let go. "Dean. Dean, look at me." Dean's green eyes met his. "Let go. Just let go." Dean shook his head. "Please. Give it to me." 

Dean shook his head again. "Go away, Sam."

"Tell me why." Sam continued trying to pry the knife out of his brother's hand. "What happened?" _You won't be able to save him, Sam._ Sam ignored the voice, focusing on Dean's eyes. This was real, he reminded himself.

"I hurt my angel," Dean said softly. His eyes filled with pain. 

Sam thought about it for a moment before he realized. "Dean, did you break up with Cas?"

Dean nodded. "I hurt my angel and then I hurt my baby. I hurt everything around me." 

Sam suddenly became conscious of Bobby and Ellen standing in the doorway. "Why did you break up with him?"

As he spoke, Dean's voice shook. "I didn't want him to get hurt more." Sam remembered what he had said to him a few days ago (was it really only a few days?) when he broke up with Cas. _He doesn't need someone like me_ , Dean had said, and instead of comforting him, Sam had replied angrily, _I'm inclined to agree with you._

The voice returned and said mockingly, _This is your fault, Sam. You put this in his head._ Sam held back his tears and pulled the knife free of Dean's slowly relaxing hand. He held it up, and Bobby stepped in to take it. "Dean," Sam said, "Cas loves you."

"That's why I wanted to save him," Dean said under his breath before he started to stand up. Sam kept him on the floor, though, as he checked Dean's arms for marks. There really were none, Sam thought in relief. _Unless they're somewhere else_ , he was nastily reminded. _All of yours are, aren't they, Sammy?_ Sam couldn't ignore the voice anymore, so he just let it keep talking while he helped Dean up and brought him to his room. 

Dean just crawled into his bed and pulled the covers up over his eyes. While he lay like that, Sam ran quietly downstairs and pulled a rubber band out of the junk drawer and went back upstairs. Dean hadn't moved. Sam wrapped the rubber band around each handle to keep the door from being able to close and lock. Then he went downstairs.

Bobby and Ellen were waiting for him in the living room. "He can't lock his door right now, but I think he'll probably notice the rubber band."

"We could always just remove his door," Ellen suggested, but Sam shook his head.

"That is not a good idea," he said. "John did that to both of us once, and not having a door would probably scare him." Bobby and Ellen didn't ask why, and Sam didn't tell them. Or dwell on it. 

Bobby nodded. "Then we won't remove the door. We can remove the lock when he's at school tomorrow."

"Do we really want to send him to school tomorrow?" Ellen asked. 

Sam was fading, though. He stopped paying attention to the conversation as the voice berated him for letting his brother down again. He didn't realize how far he had curled in on himself until Bobby shook his shoulder. "Sam, you all right?"

Sam sat up straight and crossed his arms, digging his nails into his arms to clear his head. It worked to quiet the voice, but now it was a whisper. Still there. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"We were just saying that we probably need to get you a phone so Dean can text or call you. Or so we can, if Dean isn't answering us." A phone? 

Sam nodded. "All right, sounds good." Ellen looked at him with concern, but didn't say anything. He didn't think she noticed what he had done, but she was Ellen, and she definitely could have. _Reckless, reckless, Sam. Gotta be more careful than that._ "I think I'm going to head up to my room and do some homework," he said. 

"All right, son. Let us know if you or Dean needs anything," Bobby said. Sam got up and went to his room. As he shut the door behind him, he sighed. He could make it until tomorrow, when he would see Jess. The thought put a smile on his face, and the voice quieted as he thought about her. He could make it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think of this one!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time to check out what Jess is thinking! No triggers :D
> 
> Thanks for reading the last chapter! I figured I would update again because I hated the note I left it on.

Jess was waiting outside the English classroom for Sam, so they could sit together. It had taken her so long to work up the courage to finally ask for his number that no way were they going to be separated in the free-for-all that was seating in Mr. Wyatt's class.

As she waited, she watched the ebb and flow of people through the hallway, but then her eyes fixated firmly on two of them in particular. One was Sam, but his laughing companion made Jess cross her arms in irritation. Ruby Cortese was walking next to Sam, and as Jess watched their approach, Ruby executed a perfect, arrogant hair toss while throwing her shoulders back in a shameless attempt to make her breasts look bigger.

Jess smiled coldly at Ruby as the pair reached her. "Ruby, honey, don't you have a class?"

Ruby rolled her eyes, and Jess resisted the urge to slap her. "Chill. I was just bringing your wayward boyfriend back to you."

Jess flicked her eyes over to meet Sam's. She caught the flash of hurt that passed over them. What had Ruby been saying to him? "Well then," she caught and held Ruby's eyes, "I believe that means your job is done, now, doesn't it?"

As she nodded, Ruby smiled right back at her with a flash of white teeth. She placed a hand on Sam's arm (Jess had to bite back her response to _that_ ) and said, "Have a nice class, Sam," before sauntering off down the hall. 

Jess swallowed the snarky remark she had saved up for that girl and turned to Sam. "What were you two talking about?" she asked, with enough honey in her voice to mask her displeasure. It wasn't like she owned him, after all. She had just sort of assumed they were together.

"We have chem together," Sam supplied. "We're friends, Jess." 

She nodded, not quite convinced. Ruby had looked at Sam as though he were prey, not as though he were a friend. And Jess was determined to get to the bottom of it. 

She took Sam's hand as they walked into the classroom, right on the tardy bell. Mr. Wyatt looked at them disapprovingly but said nothing. They sat in their normal seats, Jess right behind Sam with a hand rubbing gentle circles on his back. If Ruby wanted Sam, she would have to go through Jessica Moore to do it. Accordingly, at the end of class, she smiled warmly at Sam, who blushed and looked down. 

"Hey, um, Jess?" Sam said, scuffing one foot back and forth on the ground. "I was wondering if I could take you to a movie tonight?"

Jess smiled genuinely. "What movie?" Can't let this be too easy for him, after all. 

He looked at her in surprise. "Whichever you want," he blurted out, obviously slightly flustered by her apparent acceptance. 

Laughing inwardly, Jess easily responded, "Pick me up at six, then." She dug in her handbag for her tiny notebook and scribbled her address on a page. She ripped it out and handed it to the red-faced, gangly boy in front of her, who grinned at her. "I have class," she said.

"Let me walk you," Sam responded quickly, holding out his arm to her like some sort of Victorian gentleman. She blushed as she took it and they walked like that through the hallway to their respective lockers, and then to their respective classes. Sam was quiet, and Jess didn't press. She knew he was going through some rough things, and though she wanted to know what was up between he and Ruby, she felt like it would be a bad time to ask.

Besides, it gave her a great amount of satisfaction to see the appalled look on Ruby's smug face when they paraded past her in the hall and Jess just happened to choose that particular moment to kiss Sam on the cheek. Regardless of the reason for her horror, it was hilarious. 

And that was how she found herself putting on a light blue dress and brushing makeup on her face at five o'clock that night. As she did her eyeliner, careful not to smudge it too badly, she found herself thinking of the bust she still had to sculpt. She had shaped it properly during class, but the detail work was going to be difficult. Sam's hair would be the most difficult part. She wanted to capture it well. 

She curled her hair, and when her mother came up to tell her dinner was ready, Jess shook her head. "I'll eat when I get home. I don't like eating before a movie."

"All right, Jessica. Curfew is midnight, don't forget. I'll heat something up for you when you get back." Jess nodded with a smile, and her mother left her to her curling. She came downstairs at 5:55 and sat in the living room while she waited. Soon she could see headlights through the window, and shortly after there was a knock at the door. 

Her father answered it. "You must be Sam." Jess smiled, knowing the extent of the interrogation to come. Sam had no idea what he was in for.

Jess went into the kitchen with her mother and listened silently to the thirty minute interrogation. Sam responded politely each time, prompting her mother to whisper, "I like him," and Jess to glow proudly. If he could survive the interrogation he could survive anything.

As the interrogation began to close, Jess's mother went out and introduced herself, congratulating Sam on passing the initial test. She called Jess in, and Sam actually gasped when he saw her. Jess had a similar reaction. He was wearing an honest to god suit and tie. And he looked incredible. 

He extended his arm, exactly as he had in the hallway that morning. "Would you accompany me to the theater?" he asked in his snobbiest voice. 

Jess suppressed a laugh. "I will, good sir." She curtseyed and took his arm. "Goodbye, Mother, and farewell, Father. I go to see the moving pictures.

"All right, Cinderella," her mother said. "Remember to be home by midnight or your carriage will turn into a pumpkin again. 

Sam bowed and Jess curtseyed, and they went out the door arm in arm. The second the door was shut they cracked up. 

Sam opened the back door of an old blue car for her, and she slid in. "M'lady," Sam said as he shut the door and walked around to slide in on the other side. 

Jess looked in the front seat. A woman sat there. They made eye contact in the rearview mirror and the woman turned around. "I'm Ellen, Sam's almost-mother."

"Nice to meet you." Jess didn't question the phrasing. She knew enough of the situation to understand. "I'm Jess."

Ellen smiled. "You two just pretend I'm not here, all right?"

"Yes, ma'am," they replied in unison as their fingers slotted together. This was going to be nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure about this format, but I kind of liked it. I hope you guys do, too. Thanks for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos. I really appreciate it. 
> 
> Triggers: mentions of self harm, suicide, abuse, and depression.

It had been three months since Sam and Jess went to the movies and shared a jumbo bucket of popcorn with M&Ms mixed in ("What, it's good," Dean had said when Sam protested the suggestion). Three months since they had awkwardly bumped noses and clacked teeth during their attempt at a good night kiss. Basically the whole school had deemed them the cutest couple. They were going strong. Jess liked to think they were in love, and had started painting her bust (finally). Sam, for his part, did love Jess, and resisted Ruby's advances as best he could.

Ruby found it irritating. She was failing in her duty to Lilith. Jess was in her way. Every week when Ruby reported her progress to the girl she loved, Lilith told her she wasn't trying hard enough and to get Sam to, if not fall in love with her, lust after her. He needed to cheat on Jess, and Ruby just wasn't good enough at her job to make it happen.

Meg had it far easier. Since Dean and Clarence had broken up, she found it easy to worm her way into Clarence's confidence. Her crush on the boy helped, because he genuinely seemed to like her back. Of course, when she reported to Lilith and the blonde insisted on rewarding her, Meg would never refuse. Lilith was definitely good at what she did, and Clarence was still too scared to get close to someone. 

She was friends with Dean, still. He wasn't as close to her as she wanted him to be, but it would do for now. As a result of his noncompliance with her plans, however, Meg had recruited Crowley. At first he had been resistant, but she was able to use the prospect of being with Dean as a carrot to motivate Crowley to do his new job. As of yet, there had been no need to threaten him with a stick. 

Crowley wanted Dean, and he was willing to do whatever it took to keep Dean away from Castiel and render him completely dependent. And he was competent at the job at hand. It didn't take him long to find out about Dean's suicidal tendencies and convince him he was worth something to Crowley, even if the rest of the world couldn't care less if he died. 

Dean was doing objectively better. He had been going to a psychiatrist weekly, and he had been prescribed antidepressants. At three months, he felt he had been making progress. He wasn't feeling as horrible as he had been, and Ellen, Bobby, and Sam assured him this was a good thing. Baby was on her way to getting fully repaired. Dean worked on her every day after school until dinner. Sam sometimes helped, and the younger brother thought the older couldn't see the marks appearing on his upper arms from the number of times he had had to dig his nails into himself.

Sam could see Dean getting better, even if sometimes he still hid everything away, but he couldn't heal himself. The voice hadn't left him alone for all of these three months. It was quieter around Jess, but still present. He was sure he saw Jess looking at him like he was some sort of freak every time he had to take time to breathe steadier (even though she really wasn't). 

The voice would not shut up. He had taken to calling it Satan. And he tried to banish Satan. The nails thing didn't work well anymore. And he knew Dean would notice if he cut on his wrists, so he cut on his thighs. Dean wouldn't notice that, he told himself. He was safe there. 

He wasn't sleeping well at night because Satan kept him awake for hours on end listening to horrible renditions of songs that Sam would never want to hear again after that experience. Ellen was starting to get worried, and made Sam take sleep medicine sometimes just to make sure he was able to fall asleep. She thought he was having nightmares about John. 

But Ellen had a lot on her hands to begin with. She had never been the same after losing Jo, and losing Dean would have been the final straw that would have pushed her over the edge. She knew that. And now she could sense that Sam was having problems. Thank God Dean was responding positively to grief counseling and therapy. When she had found out that Dean broke up with Cas, she was damn worried. But her basically adopted son seemed to be doing better. 

Castiel was a wreck. Though Sheriff Mills had not looked much further into the case of John Winchester, the guilt was getting to him strongky. Lucifer had not told his father everything, but he had told him enough. Cas was being inducted into the family secrets, and Lucifer was giving him formal training. He hated it and wanted out. But even Gabriel seemed to be unable to escape. Plus, this was his family. Castiel could not simply abandon them for the sake of his own happiness. So he suffered through.

Lucifer had passed orders through the ranks of his grunts that the Winchesters were to be made dependent on the Novaks and their associates. It seemed to be going according to plan. Castiel needed to be made loyal. Those were his father's instructions. Though he disagreed in principle, Lucifer obeyed. He was determined not to wholly live up to his namesake. However, he always did his best to comfort his baby brother after a hard day. He could do that without being accused of betrayal, correct? 

Lilith was a different story. She was loyal to Lucifer and not the other Novaks, who didn't approve of her being in Lucifer's life. But she really was not that close to him. She loved him, but accepted he would never love her in that way. She controlled Ruby and Meg (and by extension Crowley) with her own appeal. Meg and Ruby both felt lust for her. She knew it, and used it against them. Maybe, she admitted, she did love Ruby, by no one needed to know that. That was a secret she would hold close to her heart. Love was dangerous. If she allowed herself to form attachments to someone who was not Lucifer, she knew in her heart off hearts that that person would die. 

She was not going to let Ruby die. No matter what. She just couldn't let on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys thought of that. I would really appreciate the feedback.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and your comments and kudos! 
> 
> Triggers: Graphic self harm scene near the beginning. Mentions of suicide.

Sam lay in bed with his eyes shut. He was trying to fall asleep by thinking of how sweet Jess always was. He knew she would leave him if she ever found out about the extent of his problems. _Of course she would, Sam. If you're broken, you're worthless._ Sam focused hard on the curls of Jess's hair to make Satan leave him alone. This time it didn't work. Satan started singing "Stairway to Heaven," and Sam pressed his hands over his ears to try to block it out.

_I'm in your head. You can't get rid of me that easily._ Sam grudgingly removed his hands from his ears and got out of bed. If it wasn't going to be easy to get rid of him, Sam would just have to get creative. He shuffled down the hall and went into the bathroom, grabbing the Altoids tin out of the top drawer of his dresser as he went. _Oh you think that's going to work?_

Sam ignored the voice as he locked the door of the bathroom. He opened up the tin and stared at the razor blade held within. Did he really want to do this? _I guess we should check and see if it will work this time, huh? Are you strong enough to resist tonight?_

Sam sighed as he picked up the blade. Would this shut Satan up tonight? He tugged his sleep pants off and sat down on the closed lid of the toilet. He took a deep breath and pressed the blade into one of the plethora of pale scars that webbed his thigh. As he dragged it along, he watched the blood well up behind it. He could barely feel it. Could barely feel his body. Everything was muffled, including Satan's voice. So he kept going.

This was the most he had cut since the voice came back, and he was starting to feel a little fuzzy. He was conscious of the blood dripping into puddles on the ground, but it didn't feel like enough. He hadn't felt enough yet. It just wasn't getting through.

And to top it all off, Satan was mocking him. _You think this is working, don't you? You think this is the answer. It isn't._ Satan laughed. Sam sliced down again, trying to get him to go away. It wasn't working. Why wasn't it working?

And then a sound broke through Sam's fuzzy consciousness and brought him to alertness. There was a knock at the door. "Sam, is that you?" Dean said quietly.

Sam stared down at the mangled mess he had made of his thighs. There was no explanation for this. "Yeah," he said, keeping his voice steady.

"You all right, kiddo? You've been in here a while." Sam could hear the hidden concern in Dean's voice. Did his brother know?

"Everything is fine, Dean. No worries." Sam opened the first aid drawer as quietly as he could and pulled out the peroxide, the gauze, and the ace bandages. He needed to get this wrapped, otherwise Dean would find out. 

"All right, then. Just making sure." There was a pause. "Good night, Sammy."

"Good night, Dean." Sam breathed a sigh of relief as he unscrewed the cap on the peroxide and started pouring the chemical over the cuts. He remembered reading that this wasn't actually the best idea, but as it fizzed and burned, Sam welcomed the sensation. He pressed the gauze down over the cuts and wrapped them tightly with the bandage. He cleaned off the blade and dried it. It would not be good for it to rust. 

Then he took a look at the floor and muttered a curse under his breath. There were little puddles of blood all around the toilet. Sam looked around for something to use to clean it up, and his eyes landed on the black hand towel. He wiped up the blood and pulled a new towel from under the sink. No one would miss this one until Sam got it washed. He examined the bathroom for any trace of his activity and found none. 

_They're going to find out anyway. And then where will you be?_ "Shut up," Sam muttered as he opened the bathroom door and went back to his room. _You know, Sam, there is one way I won't talk to you for a while._

Oh yeah, Sam thought. To kill myself.

_No, you idiot. Sex._

Sam was confused. Did Satan really mean that if he had sex with someone, the voice would leave him alone? But Satan didn't answer the query. 

Sam's mental gears started turning. If sex would get him away from Satan, he would certainly do it. There was a problem, though. Jess wasn't ready. She didn't want to give herself to Sam in that way yet. Besides, Sam respected his girlfriend too much to use her for that purpose. 

_If only there were someone who has been coming onto you for three months. But alas! there is no one._

Ruby. Was Satan suggesting he use Ruby as a means of getting rid of him? She had been heavily flirting with him since she first sat down next to Sam in chemistry. She had even scribbled her cell phone number in the margin of his chemistry textbook. When Bobby and Ellen had gotten Sam a phone, he had saved her number in the contacts in case he needed help with anything. 

If this wasn't something he needed help with, what was? He reached over to his nightstand and picked up his phone. He scrolled through his contacts until he came to **Ruby Cortese**. He started composing a text message.

>>Are you free Thursday night? This is Sam.

He hit send with a rolling stomach, knowing this was a betrayal of the woman he loved but also believing this would be an answer to the question of shutting Satan up.

*****

Ruby was in bed next to Meg when her phone buzzed. She picked it up and read the message in delight. She had finally succeeded. Lilith would be proud of her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought of that! ❤


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for spending time on this story! I love reading comments and seeing new kudos, and basically you guys rock!
> 
> Triggers: mentions of self-harm

Ruby was early to chemistry class. She needed as much time as possible to talk to Sam and convince him what they were doing was actually all right to do. Knowing the boy and his devotion to his girlfriend, this would take some doing. She suspected the previous night's text message had been an impulse. Borne of what, she was unsure.

Jess walked with Sam to the door; Ruby could see her. She was smiling, and as she rose up to kiss her boyfriend, Ruby chuckled. Sam was going to lose her the next night, Ruby would make sure of that. Her job was to destroy him, and this was the way to do it. 

As Sam walked in the room, Ruby slipped into character, surreptitiously tugging her shirt down a little more to expose more skin and straightening her shoulders. She saw where Sam's eyes went first, and she turned on a smile, even though honestly what she was doing disgusted her. "Sam!" she said, her voice bright. 

"Ruby." His voice was flat and his shoulders hunched up.He walked around her, giving a fairly wide berth, then sat in the chair near the wall. He leaned away from her. He was obviously feeling incredibly guilty about even contacting her the previous night. But this wasn't going to stop Ruby from doing her job. She was loyal to Lilith and to the Master.

Ruby leaned toward him. "So, Sam, what was it you wanted to do tomorrow night?" Sam flinched as though she had struck him and did not respond. This was going to be difficult, Ruby could tell. "This isn't wrong, Sam. We're friends."

Sam shook his head. "I can't do this to Jess." 

Ruby sighed. "What is it you wanted to do, Sam?"

Sam crossed his arms and pressed against the wall. Ruby kept following. "I was wondering if I could come over to your place. But I changed my mind."

"No you didn't." Ruby countered. "You're just feeling guilty about your girlfriend." 

Sam shrugged. "Well, kind of. I mean, I'd be cheating on her. That isn't right."

Ruby scooted her chair closer to his and pressed her leg against his. "What if you just came over to study for chemistry? We do have a test on Friday, after all."

Sam's eyes went to the floor. "I suppose," he said quietly. His hands closed into fists, and Ruby looked away from them, knowing precisely what he was doing. She wondered why he did that, but then remembered she wasn't supposed to care. 

"All right, well I'll be expecting you at seven, then. We can do some studying then." Ruby moved away from him to emphasize that this was not going to be in any way adulterous. He obviously didn't want to cheat on Jess, and Ruby wanted him to feel as comfortable as possible.

Regardless, nothing would stop her from fulfilling Lilith's order now. If Sam was going to cheat on Jessica with Ruby, Jess would need to know about it, so she composed a text message to her former biology partner. She needed the girl to walk in on them. 

>>Do you want to study with Sam and I tomorrow night? 

A few minutes passed before there was a response.

Study? For the chem test?<<

Ruby smiled. She sounded skeptical, but if she was reassuring enough, Jess would definitely show up.

>>Yeah. My place, eight o'clock.

Ruby waited for close to ten minutes before Jess responded to her this time.

Sounds good to me.<<

Perfect. The trap was set.

*****

Sam walked Jess to her door that afternoon after school, and by the looks she was giving him, she could tell how badly his hand was shaking. After he kissed her goodbye, she said, "Sam? Why did Ruby invite me to study with you guys?"

Sam's shoulders sagged in relief. If Ruby had invited his girlfriend, they were just going to be studying. _Or she wants Jess to walk in on you two together._ But nothing was going to happen. _If you want me to be quiet it will._ "I'm not sure. I didn't know she had. Maybe she thought you might want to study for the chemistry test in a group?" 

Jess nodded. "You didn't know?" Sam shook his head. "Huh." She put her hand on the door. "I better get in there. I'll see you tomorrow."

Sam smiled. "You too."

He walked home with a spring in his step. When he got there, the Impala was in the driveway, but no other cars were. Bobby and Ellen weren't home, then. Which meant Dean was home alone. 

Sam went upstairs. "Dean?"

"Hey, Sammy." Dean came out of his room and grinned. "You're a little later than usual."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, Jess needed to ask me a question. You all right?"

Dean's smile turned to a frown. "I'm fine. Why does everyone keep asking me that?" His body language closed up and he shook his head in irritation. 

"Because we're worried about you, Dean." Sam sighed. "We don't want you to get hurt."

Dean crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame. "That was months ago. I have Crowley now." A smile lit up his face when he said the name, but it quickly vanished when Dean looked once more at Sam. 

Oh yeah, because he's so trustworthy, Sam thought. "All right. I just wanted to make sure." Once Dean went back into his room and slammed the door behind him, Sam went down the hall into his room and started working on his homework. Anything to keep his mind off of Ruby and what might happen the next night. 

He didn't go downstairs to eat that night, instead laying in bed with the covers pulled up over his eyes, wishing he could take back the message he had sent, and wishing Jess had not been invited to study. If she weren't going, he could refuse to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading this story!
> 
> Triggers: Self harm and there's a sexual assault scene near the end of the chapter

Ruby watched as Sam and Dean met at a blue car in the parking lot and drove away. She still could hardly believe she had succeeded in getting Sam over to her house, much less convincing Jess to walk in on them. Ruby slid her cell phone out of her pocket and called Lilith.

“Yes?” Ruby smiled when she heard the blonde’s voice, though she sounded fairly annoyed at being called. Or possibly annoyed by something else. 

Ruby tried to start casually, as there were still people surrounding her. She made her way down the steps and to her own car. “Where were you today?” she asked. 

A cold chuckle made its way over the line. “Officially, I was sick. Unofficially, I was with the Master. I still am, actually, so make it quick.”

Ruby’s eyes widened in understanding. “Sorry.” She winced. She had interrupted Lilith and the Master. “Sam Winchester will be coming over to my house at seven o’clock tonight. I succeeded.”

“You have not succeeded until Sam has been isolated. I require proof that this has taken place.” 

“Hand me the phone,” Ruby heard, and then there was a slight shuffle. “Ruby.”

Ruby suppressed her gasp. “Yes?” In her shock, she forgot any honorific, but the Master did not mention this failure.

Instead he simply said, “There will be a package on your doorstep by the time you get home. Make sure you use it. Bring it to Lilith’s house no later than ten o’clock tonight. I assume what you are doing will not take longer than that.”

Ruby took a deep breath. This was a direct order from the Master himself. “No, Master, it will not. I will bring the information.”

“Good girl.” 

There was another shuffle, and Lilith’s familiar voice came back on the line. “No later than ten o’clock, Ruby. Don’t forget.”

“I won’t. You won’t be disappointed.” _Click._ Lilith hung up, leaving Ruby nearly speechless with the shock that came of receiving a direct order like that. She had always received her orders through Lilith. 

She got in her car and drove to her house. Sure enough, there was a small box on the porch outside her front door. She picked it up and carried it inside with her. Her parents were in St. Louis on a business trip. Ruby found herself relieved that they ran a business together. It made working for the Master far easier. 

She set the package on the counter and grabbed the kitchen scissors to open it. When she did, she nodded in understanding, regardless of the fact that there was no one home. It was a tiny camera, and a note below it. 

**The card in this camera holds two hours of recording. Hide it well.**

Ruby decided it would probably be best to hide that last, right before Sam got there. She went into the living room and looked around. The camera was black, so she’d need somewhere to hide it where it wouldn’t stand out. Her eyes landed on the television. She set it below the actual screen, and it was difficult to see from the couch. She figured that would be the best place to put it where it would still have a good view of the couch. 

She would turn it on before Sam got there. While she waited, she made a pot of macaroni and cheese, and ate a bowl of it, storing the rest in the fridge for the next day. Then she put her chemistry book on the coffee table. She glanced at the clock. She still had close to a half hour before Sam was supposed to show up. She turned on the camera and did some studying on her own for the test before Sam finally knocked on the door. “Come in!” she called.

She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and sent a quick text to Jessica.

>> Just come right in when you get here. Don’t bother knocking.

*****

Sam opened the door to Ruby’s house with a sense of trepidation. Behind him, he heard the old car's engine growl as it moved away. _You’re just studying. Which means I’m allowed inside._ Sam sighed and pressed his fingernails into his palm again. He was going to have to figure out a better way to not get detected doing that—the marks were starting to become noticeable.

Ruby was sitting on the couch, wearing a skirt, of all things. She never wore skirts to school. This alone set alarm bells off in Sam’s head. “Your parents home?” he asked. It was a genuine question, but as soon as it left his mouth he realized what that could have sounded like. 

Ruby smiled up at him as she patted the cushion next to her. “Business trip. They won’t be back until Sunday.” 

The implications struck Sam nearly dumb. _Sam, she can make me go away._ Sam ignored Satan as he sat next to Ruby. He set his backpack down next to the coffee table and pulled out his chemistry textbook. “So should we start with balancing these equations?”

Soon it was 7:40, and Sam was getting worried that Jess hadn’t shown up yet. She was invited, wasn’t she? To make matters worse, Ruby had been moving closer to him every couple minutes. He was now pressed against one end of the couch, and she was pressed against him. 

As he watched, she placed her hand on his thigh and started moving it up. He gripped her wrist and put her hand firmly back in her own lap. “Maybe I should go,” he said tersely. 

She tensed momentarily, but she was soon relaxed again. She shook her head. “I don’t want you to go, Sam.” She threw one of her legs over his lap and straddled him. _This is good, Sam. She wants it._

But I don’t! Sam thought in a panic. She pressed her forearm across his throat, choking him, as she yanked open his zipper and roughly pushed him sideways until he was prone on his back. “Ruby, don’t. Please.” He forced the words out, despite his lack of breath, and tried to shove her off, but he was well and truly pinned. 

She shook her head and her eyes grew more determined. As she pulled his jeans and boxers off and tossed them aside, Sam’s struggles became more violent. He tried to call out for help, but she pressed her arm harder, cutting off his airway, before pushing her lips against his. 

She gripped his growing erection in her free hand under her skirt and started jerking him off. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe. And then the door opened. Ruby removed her arm from Sam’s throat and he gasped in a breath of air. 

To say Jess’s face exhibited shock would be an understatement. First it was shock, but then it was sadness as she fully took in the scene before her. As Sam finally managed to struggle up and push Ruby away, her eyes and face hardened into glittering rage. 

Sam couldn’t look at Ruby, but he felt her adjusting her position on the couch. His eyes were fixed on Jess’s, but those eyes, usually so warm and open, were staring straight through him. He suddenly realized how exposed he was, and he grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch to cover up. Tears began to well in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He refused. He was unsure of what had happened. All he knew was that Jess saw what she thought was Sam being unfaithful, and Sam knew she was right in that. But that didn’t stop him from trying. “Jess, please—”

Jess shook her head as she crossed her arms. “We’re done, Sam. You and Ruby obviously have chemistry.” Her lips were pressed in a tight line as she turned and walked away. 

Ruby turned to Sam and she smiled. Sam punched her square in the jaw and pulled his boxers back on. He was still finishing zipping up his jeans as he tried to run after Jess, but she was already out of sight. As he walked out the door and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket to call Dean for a ride, Satan spoke up.

_I told you I’d be quiet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really difficult to write and I would appreciate any and all comments on it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so shocked to even continue this story past the first few chapters of Light Em Up, so being on chapter 8 of a sequel is amazing to me. Thank you guys for reading this story!
> 
> Triggers: Self-harm, abuse both emotional and physical, and mentions of past abuse.

A knock at the door drew Crowley away from his documentary. When he opened the door, his boyfriend stood there on the doorstep, rubbing his left arm and close to tears. "Dean, love, you could have just come in."

Dean just shook his head, which worried Crowley. Contrary to what Lilith seemed to believe, he honestly cared about Dean. So Crowley took him by his left hand and led him to the couch. He turned the television off as Dean dropped his head into his hands. His shoulders were shaking and Crowley placed a hand on his right shoulder. "What happened?"

Dean mumbled something Crowley couldn't catch. "What was that?"

"I didn't know." As he spoke, Dean looked up. Crowley raised one eyebrow, and Dean continued, "Sam. How could I not know?"

Crowley was utterly confused. "What about the moose?" The sadness in Dean's eyes almost made him regret the jibe. Almost.

Dean rubbed his hand over his mouth and looked down. "I found - uh - bloodstains. On the bathroom floor. I had a pretty good idea of what they were, but I didn't have proof."

Crowley was beginning to understand. He had been informed of the procedures concerning his boyfriend's little brother, of course. Meg had relayed that to him. But instead of letting it be known that he knew, he simply said, "Proof of what?"

"I was supposed to know about it," Dean said softly, pulling his arms around himself. "How could I be so stupid?" He would not meet Crowley's eyes as he said, "He hurts himself, Crowley, and I don't know what to do."

Finally, it was out in the open. It was beginning to get ridiculous, especially with the amount of time Dean had spent at Crowley's apartment worrying about his brother. Seriously, how had he never gotten that far in his worries? But it was time for Crowley to make a crucial discovery. He hadn't yet pried far enough into Dean's life to know for sure about the subject, but he had a good idea. Especially with the way Dean had been rubbing his arm when he walked through the door. "What has he done for you?" Crowley asked gently.

Dean glanced up in surprise. Crowley had never said a word about the subject to him. "He took away the blade," he said slowly.

Confirmed. Dean wouldn't have lied to him, Crowley was sure of it. Dean had never lied to Crowley. He sent a quick text message off to Meg.

>>He self-harms.

No need to put it in clearer terms. Meg would know exactly who Crowley was talking about. While he waited for a response (and possibly instructions), he wrapped his arm around Dean and drew him into an embrace. He genuinely hated seeing Dean hurting like this, but orders were orders.

Dean cried into his shirt, and Crowley didn't make any sort of snarky remark about it, even when he could actually feel the wetness of the tears soaking through. Honestly, he was shocked that Dean was comfortable enough with him to make himself this vulnerable.

But soon Meg texted him back.

If he opens himself up, hurt him. Say you should control the pain he wants to give to himself.<<

Wait a moment. Crowley froze when he read this. He was supposed to actually hurt Dean? He was comfortable with the emotional manipulation. Wasn't that how relationships worked anyway? But physical violence crossed that line into actual abuse, and Crowley wasn't sure if he could actually take that step.

Orders are orders, he reminded himself. "So what should you do for him?" he asked when Dean's tears seemed to ebb. 

Dean sat back upright and started scratching his arm. Without Crowley's newfound knowledge, this would have seemed completely innocent. He reached out and firmly gripped Dean's wrist, tugging his hand away from his arm. If he gripped a little too tightly, Dean didn't show much discomfort. Instead he responded, "I already took his blade, but he'll find another way." 

Crowley kept a firm grip on his wrist, and tightened his hold a bit. Dean winced, and Crowley held back his own. Orders were orders. "I assume you found another way." He felt bad doing this to Dean, but he had no choice.

Dean stared at him with a hint of fear hidden in the depths of his green eyes. "Why?" He tried to pull his wrist away.

Crowley tightened his hold and pulled Dean closer. He pressed his lips to Dean's ear and whispered, "I could be your other way."

Dean flinched violently away, but Crowley kept him close. "You feel guilty. Let me help."

*****

"Help?" Dean asked shakily. "I don't need help, Crowley. I'm fine." He most definitely wasn't, but Crowley had no business 'helping' him deal. He did that well enough on his own. He had already dumped the Altoids tin on the way to Crowley's, and he was only scratching his arm because Sam self harming was the worst thing he could picture. And he needed the image gone.

"I beg to differ, darling. I just want to take care of you." If it were possible, his grip on Dean's wrist got even tighter, and his nails began to dig into him. 

"Let me go, Crowley." Dean ripped his arm away from his boyfriend. He got up and moved to leave, but Crowley grabbed him around the waist and turned him around. Dean found himself staring into the boy's eyes and saw glittering coldness there.

He recalled the same coldness when he was thrown bodily out of his home by his father, and that terrified him. He couldn't pull himself away, so he tensed, waiting for an opening. Crowley reached up to caress his face and give it a couple light taps before pressing his thumb into the hollow below Dean's Adam's apple. Dean couldn't breathe, and his struggles grew weaker until Crowley forced him down onto the couch.

"That's it, Dean. Just be still." Stars swam in front of Dean's eyes, and when Crowley let him go to check his phone, which had buzzed when he was busy choking Dean, he was only able to lay there and massage his throat for a moment before he could sit upright. 

Crowley was staring, stricken, at his phone. Dean was about to stand up and get the hell out of there, but his boyfriend said in a quiet voice, "Please, Dean. Stay for a minute longer." Crowley sounded so broken that Dean couldn't help but comply. 

He even ventured a question. "What happened?" 

Crowley took a deep breath and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "orders" under his breath. Loudly, he said, "Screw orders. I'm done. Dean, get out of here. Please." He turned to look at Dean. "I love you." 

Dean rejected those three words. He couldn't love Dean. Not after what had just happened. But Crowley had said something about orders. Dean wondered what orders he was talking about. He couldn't respond in kind, he told himself. He couldn't say he loved Crowley back, even if he did. Instead he settled for a soft smile. "I should go." 

Dean got up and left. As he did, his phone began to ring in his pocket, and he answered it.

"Sammy!"

Instantly he could tell how upset his brother was. He was breathing heavily and Dean could hear a hint of tears in his voice as he said, "Dean, can you come pick me up?"

"Of course," Dean answered. If Ruby hurt his brother there would be hell to pay. "Still at Ruby's?"

"No, I left. I'm on the street corner." Sam relayed the relevant information as to his location, and Dean determined he would get what happened out of his brother in person when he picked him up. Dean opened the door to the car that was trying to replace his baby (he really needed to get that fixed soon) and slid into the driver's seat. He turned the key in the ignition and turned on his music. "Nothing Else Matters" blared out of the speakers as he shoved everything that had happened with Crowley to the back of his mind.

Sammy needed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys thought of that <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading this! Next update will be Sunday, and then I am leaving for vacation for ten days. I will have zero internet while I'm gone, so no updates after Sunday for a while. That being said, let Chapter 9 begin!
> 
> Triggers: rape aftermath (physical descriptions, not graphic), panic attack

Dean wasn't paying attention to the speedometer as he drove, but he knew he was going over the limit. He didn't much care, though. Sure, it would be unfortunate if he got pulled over, but honestly, as long as he made it to Sam, everything would come out okay. That's what he kept telling himself. 

When he made it to the street corner Sam was standing on, he did a quick evaluation on the situation, informed by years of dealing with his father. Sam had obviously been crying. The streaks down his face were sufficient to make that plain, even if he hadn't been crying when he called. But Dean soon noticed other things.

Sam's face was beet red and his shirt was rumpled and tucked into the back of his jeans (but not the front). His hair was going every direction and his arms were crossed tightly over his chest. As Dean drew closer and Sam turned toward the approaching car, Dean could see the bruises beginning to form on his neck. What the hell had happened?

Dean pulled the car over and waited for Sam to get in. The moment the door had slammed behind his brother, Dean said, "What happened, Sam?"

"Nothing." When Sam had called, he had just sounded a little out of breath. In person, he was rasping. And that was never a good sign. 

Dean didn't move the car. "Sam. Did Ruby hurt you?"

Sam shook his head adamantly. "I'm fine." He stared directly into Dean's narrowed eyes. Dean could see the lie, and he promised himself he would rip Ruby's lungs out for whatever she did to his little brother. 

He started to drive, all the while trying to weasel out of Sam what had happened, and every time he just avoided the questions. He was so focused on trying to find out what had happened that when he finally pulled into the driveway, it was the wrong one. 

Dean and Sam Winchester found themselves staring up at their own house. Well, it wasn't theirs yet, but in January, when Dean turned 18, he would inherit the house. This fact struck him as he looked at the closed front door, and he sighed. He really didn't want the house, but he knew they needed to move back into it eventually.

He wasn't sure why he unbuckled himself and got out of the car. After a few seconds, Sam did the same. Dean walked up the porch steps and turned the front door handle. The house was unlocked, and the door swung open easily. "Come on, Sammy."

He didn't wait for his brother before walking into the house. It had been months since his father's death, but Dean could still feel the hostile presence in the untouched, dusty armchair and the couch that sat in a similar condition. He could hear his father's voice ringing in his ears. _I didn’t raise my son to be a faggot. You are not my son._

He could feel remembered blows and a crushing sense of blame, and the world started spinning out of control around him. He shut his eyes tightly. The blood started rushing through his ears, and he could barely breathe. All the help his therapist had given him flew out the window, and he wrapped his arms around himself. Had the temperature dropped? 

He could feel hands on his shoulders, and he flinched, expecting to be hit or shaken or anything, really, but then he heard his brother's calm voice. "Dean. Dean, open your eyes."

Reluctantly, Dean opened his eyes and focused on Sam's hazel eyes. "Remember what Tessa told you? Just breathe."

Dean tried, honestly he did, but he only managed to gasp in air and choke it out. The terror wouldn't subside, and Dean knew, he just knew that his father was behind him. He tried to turn around, but Sam kept a firm grip on his shoulders. "I need you to breathe with me, Dean. You're safe. Just breathe in."

Dean matched his breathing to his little brother's and slowly felt himself calming down. "We should go upstairs," he said, when he was able to speak again. 

Sam stared at him, shocked. "Why?"

"Things got left behind. And as long as you're not telling me what the hell happened to you, we may as well collect them." Sam looked as though he was about to protest, but said nothing. The boys went upstairs in silence to gather anything they may have forgotten that they actually wanted.

*****

Castiel was on the phone with Meg when he saw a car pull into the old Winchester driveway. She was rambling on about Ruby and Lilith getting back together (like he cared about either of them), so Castiel saw no problem with simply interrupting her with a, "I will call you back, my brother is shouting from downstairs."

He hung up before she had a chance to respond, which he knew was wrong, but he was watching a pair get out of a beaten up blue car in the Winchester driveway and the two people were Sam and Dean. So he really did not have time for an actual goodbye. Meg tended to draw goodbyes out.

He stared at them as they went into the house. God, he missed Dean. He missed the feeling of always having someone who actually cared about him. He used to think his brothers did, but now look where he was.

Lucifer was trying to teach him new methods of undetectable violence. Michael was being his usual assbutt self, with a mere glimmer of concern for Castiel's well-being. Castiel suspected it was due to his newfound importance to the family. Apparently if you are naturally that good at killing you belong in the Novak family completely. 

Gabriel was the only one who showed any real concern for his brother. He did his best to keep Castiel safe from the various dangers of being allowed to know the family secrets. 

But Castiel didn't want to know the family secrets. He wanted Dean back. He wanted Meg to be out of the picture so it could be possible. He wanted a lot of things, but he was watching the main one lumber out of the house carrying several bags and load everything into the trunk and backseat of the ugly blue car. What had happened to Dean's Impala? 

As the boys drove away, Castiel stared at the driveway in something akin to shock. Dean had just been inside the house. He hoped the boy he loved was all right.

He did not bother to call Meg back. Instead he lay facedown on his bed and sighed softly. Why couldn't he just have Dean back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! ❤


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This will be the last chapter for about ten days while I head off to Ireland on break. When I get back I'll post more. Thank you guys for reading and your kudos and comments :D
> 
> Triggers: mentions of sexual assault (kind of) and suicidal thoughts and actions.

He was doing his best, Lucifer told himself as (yet again) Castiel made a noise and revealed himself to his brother. “Can we stop now?” the younger boy said petulantly. 

Lucifer glanced at the clock. It was close to six o’clock, and it was a Friday night, so he shrugged amiably. “I suppose that would be all right. But if Father wants you back to it...” He let the words dangle. Castiel knew that if their father wanted him to keep working at his silent movement skills, he would have to do so. Castiel left the room at a brisk walk and jogged up the stairs. 

Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday they worked at this, but Castiel did not seem to be getting any better. In fact, he was getting worse. They had decided to train Castiel because he showed promise on his own, but now that they were formally teaching him the things he seemed to already know, he was highly resistant. 

Hence Lucifer’s plans for the Winchesters. Castiel’s first (and so far last) successful attack had been in defense of those two boys. Lucifer hadn’t been around when it happened, but Castiel had opened up to him about it. It seemed as though Castiel would do anything for those boys, and Lucifer was going to milk that for all it was worth. 

He had contacted Lilith, the girl who had started his network of non-Novak assets, at the high school to start working on the Winchesters. She, in turn, had contacted her two girlfriends, Ruby and Meg, to start tearing down Dean and Sam Winchester. Ruby had gone to work at once, and now, three months later, the fruits of her labor were nigh upon her. After perusing the tape of what Ruby had done, Lucifer was convinced Sam was ready for harvest. Jessica had abandoned him, and he wasn’t about to open up about what had happened.

Meg was a slightly different story. She had needed to enlist someone slightly lower in the ranks to work on Dean, which wasn’t difficult. Crowley reported to Meg everything he learned about the older Winchester boy, and Meg reported to Lilith. Usually situations would be taken care of long before he himself had to get involved. 

However, he had been informed yesterday that Crowley had disobeyed orders. Usually he would kill someone himself for betrayal such as that, but he decided to let it stew for a while. It had not been long since his father had seen him standing over that Dorothy girl’s body, knife in hand. Oh, how she had begged. Her girlfriend had run off, and Lilith reported that she was the computer teacher at the high school. 

That would have to be rectified soon. Running was just as bad as disobeying orders, if not worse. The only reason she was not dead yet was because Father had ordered him not to kill anyone else for a while. So the Middleton girl would live and Crowley would live...until he was given the go-ahead once more. It rankled, though. It was his job to punish the defiant, and he was not allowed to do his job.

He shrugged and climbed the stairs to his own room and pulled up the secret cameras on the Singer-Harvelle house. There was a camera in each of the boys’ bedrooms, placed there by Lucifer himself one night when they were asleep. Neither the old man or the woman had seen him come or go. 

He checked Dean’s room without any incident. The boy was reading. But when he looked at Sam’s camera, he jumped out of his desk chair and ran downstairs. He needed to get to that house fast. He could only hope that Sam was moving slower than it looked like he was.

*****

Sam wanted to call in sick for school that day. He had barely slept after what had happened, and what little sleep he did have was tainted by a nightmare that left him cold and sweating. Plus, Satan would not shut up. He had been trying to tune the voice out, but the constant buzzing in his brain was hard to ignore. 

Dean kept getting up and checking on him, too, which annoyed the crap out of Sam, because he wasn’t a child anymore. He just needed peace and quiet. He was sure he knew why Dean kept checking, too. His Altoids tin was missing. His older brother must have found it, and in typical Dean fashion had thrown it away without talking to Sam. 

So all in all, Sam had a crappy night and was about to have a crappy day. When he mentioned feeling sick, Ellen had come right over to him and placed a hand on his forehead, promptly pronouncing that he did not have a fever and so needed to go to school. His education was important, she reminded him.

Sam wanted to scream that he couldn’t go to school and face the people there, but Satan piped up, _Skip anyway._

In defiance of the voice that was starting to control his life, Sam went to school without any further complaint. He spoke to no one and begged his chemistry teacher to let him move that day. The older man shrugged and told him he could sit in the very back if he really wanted to, since it wasn’t a lab day and he didn’t need his chemistry partner. 

Sam breathed a sigh of relief when he heard that he wasn’t going to have to sit next to Ruby. He moved his stuff to the single desk in the back and took meticulous notes. Ruby never showed up. 

While Dean was working on the Impala that night, Sam went up to his room and buried his head in the pillow like he had done the night previously. He thought maybe that would shut Satan up a little, but it just amplified the noise.

“Enough!” Sam shouted as he threw his pillow against the wall. He heard footsteps coming toward his bedroom door and a knock as it opened.

“Sam?” Bobby poked his head through the door. “If ya want your privacy, that’s fine, but I just wanted to make sure you were all right.”

Sam nodded and wrapped his arms around himself. “I’m fine, Bobby.”

“All right, son. Let me know if you need anything.” He went to leave, but Sam stopped him.

“Bobby?” The older man looked around the door again. “Thank you. For doing everything you’ve done.” The wrinkles between Bobby’s eyebrows creased. 

The concern in his eyes deepened as he said, “You sure everything’s fine?”

“Yeah. Nothing to worry about,” Sam said with an inward smirk. He was nothing to worry about anyway. 

Bobby nodded and left again. As he walked away, he called, “Let us know if you need anything.” 

Sam didn’t acknowledge him. He knew exactly what he needed, and he also knew that Bobby and Ellen would not approve of his course of action. He waited until Dean went to the bathroom to make his way quietly down the hall to where Bobby and Ellen kept the weapons now that Dean had almost killed himself. 

He picked the lock on the cabinet easily and quickly. He grabbed the gun he knew he should use immediately and shut and locked the doors again. This was the gun Gabriel had been carrying when he walked in the Singer-Harvelle house trailing Cas and Dean. 

This was the gun Dean had almost used to shoot himself.

Sam tucked it into his waistband and went back into his room. He made sure it was loaded and held it up to his head. This would do the trick. He put it back in his waistband and went downstairs and out the door. Bobby and Ellen didn’t notice he was leaving (as it should be). He started walking down the road, trying to find a place no one would notice where he was. 

He stood to the side of the road as a black car drove by him, but he didn’t think much of as he found a copse of trees he could sit in. 

He made sure he was fairly well hidden and clicked the safety off the gun. He hadn’t bothered to write a note...no one would read it anyway. As he held the gun to his temple, he took one deep breath in and one out. 

“Stop!” he heard someone yell, and footsteps running closer, but they were too late. 

Sam Winchester squeezed the trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *crawls under a rock* I'M SO SORRY! 
> 
> See you guys in ten days <3 I'd love to come back to your comments!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I thought I was going to be able to write on vacation, but it didn't happen, so I'm sorry for the delay. I realized that Lucifer's point of view last chapter was on Friday night, and Sam's was Friday night, but this chapter takes place on Friday during the day, just to avoid any potential confusion. Sorry about that.
> 
> Triggers: mentions of past sexual assault and mentions of self-harm.

It took Jess a moment to remember what had happened the previous night, but it hit her when she was pulling her yellow tank top over her head that Sam had cheated on her with Ruby. Ruby of all people. Jess ran her brush angrily through her hair, adjusted the legs over her jeans and pulled her sweater on. That bitch. 

She refused to think about how upset and shocked Sam had looked, and when the thought came to her mind anyway, she reasoned that she would also look shocked and upset if she had been caught cheating on Sam. The difference was that she would never cheat on Sam. And she had thought Sam would never cheat on her.

If her mother wasn’t such a stickler for rules regarding school, she would skip today, but unfortunately, she was going to have to face Sam in English this morning. It was a good thing they had no other classes together. She could avoid him at lunch easier than she could in a class. 

Accordingly, she did not wait for him outside Mr. Wyatt’s classroom. She sat in her normal desk and did not save any seat for Sam. Soon a kid (she thought his name was Brady) slid into the seat behind her, where Sam used to sit. 

Sam looked around for a seat when he walked into the classroom, a couple minutes after Mr. Wyatt had started class. He looked awful, and Jess felt a twinge of sadness as she studied the dark circles under his eyes, set in firm contrast against his usually tan skin. But he was grey. There was no other way to put it. 

He handed a red slip to Mr. Wyatt and found a seat in the back. His walk was far more sluggish than normal, and his feet dragged on the ground. Jess was worried, but she didn’t let it show. All she wanted to do was turn around and ask Sam if he was okay, but that wouldn’t do. She couldn’t seem too eager to go back to him. He had cheated on her, after all. 

When class was over, Jess went up to Mr. Wyatt and said quietly, “Will you make sure Sam’s doing okay? He looks unwell.”

The young English teacher nodded with a smile, and Jess took that as her cue to leave. Behind her, she heard a shuffle of paper and Mr. Wyatt calling, “Sam, can I speak to you, please?” There. Her moral duty had been fulfilled. Now it was time to fulfil her more anger-driven duty to find his brother. Someone close to Sam needed to know what he had done, because somehow she figured Sam wouldn’t tell anyone his plans to cheat on his girlfriend.

She caught up to Dean in the hallway, where he was walking, hand in hand, with Crowley. Dean didn’t look happy with the situation. Meg was pressed in on the other side of him by the crush of students. But approaching, Jess saw out of the corner of her eye, was Cas. Sure enough, Meg punched Dean in the shoulder (he flinched away) and leveled a vicious glare on Crowley before sauntering away to join hands with her boyfriend. 

Dean looked like he was trying to get away from Crowley, so Jess stepped in then. “Hey, Dean, can I talk to you?”

She watched as Crowley tightened his grip on Dean’s hand, and her eyes narrowed. “Alone?”

Crowley met her eyes, and she stared him down. “All right, Dean, I’ll see you in a bit,” he said before letting go of Dean’s slightly reddened hand. 

Jess looked at Dean, concerned, but he shrugged, acknowledging Crowley with a nod. “What was it you needed to talk to me about?” Dean asked. 

“Your little brother. And Ruby.” Jess crossed her arms and did nothing to bite back the venom in her voice, though she spoke quietly enough that someone passing by wouldn’t catch her words. 

Which is why, she assumed, Dean’s eyes widened in horror. He spoke slowly and clearly when he answered (though in just as quiet a voice), “What about them?”

Jess huffed out a breath. “The fact that I walked in on them yesterday,” she said, not one to mince words. “And that I was obviously meant to do so.”

“Jess, I need you to tell me what happened.” Dean’s eyes were filled with panic. “Please.”

Jess shrugged, lips pressed tightly together before she said, “I walked in, and Ruby was—on top of Sam. And Sam wasn’t wearing anything below the waist.”

Dean swallowed visibly and rubbed his face. “I doubt Sam...meant to hurt you,” he said carefully. And with that cryptic reply, he ran off. Jess stood stock-still in the emptying hallway. Not bothering to grab her books, she went to her next class and tried to drown out the thoughts of Sam’s unfaithfulness with the wonders of Algebra.

*****

Dean kept a careful eye out for Sam all day, but didn’t see him until after school, when Sam met him wordlessly at the crappy blue car (thank God he was close to finishing the repair of the Impala). He tried to make small talk on the drive, but Sam didn’t respond to anything, and Dean was supremely uncomfortable bringing up the topic of Ruby.

Jess thought Sam was cheating on her. Well, that would have explained the crying yesterday in and of itself, but it wouldn’t have explained the injuries on his neck. But what Jess had told him allowed everything to fall into place. Ruby had...no, he couldn’t even think the word.

Ruby had hurt his brother. And she had hurt him in a way that Dean couldn't fix. He hated her for that. That...that she-devil had assaulted his little brother, and Jess had blamed him. He couldn't understand that, but he wasn't going to blame her for the conclusion she jumped to. She could probably be reasoned with. 

When Dean finally pulled up to the Singer-Harvelle house, Sam leapt out of the car and sprinted upstairs. Dean knew better than to follow and push for information at this point. Instead, he worked on his baby in the garage for a while, then headed upstairs to his own room. He saw Sam going down and smiled. Maybe human interaction would do him some good. Especially human interaction of the Ellen and Bobby variety.

So Dean continued to read _Cat's Cradle_ and waited for dinner. Sam wasn't downstairs. Sam didn't show up after dinner. Sam didn't come home at all. Dean was worried out of his mind.

Bobby called Sheriff Mills, who assured him that the force would start looking for him, but when Dean woke up on Saturday morning, there was no news. Dean got a strong urge to call Cas, but he shoved it down. Cas didn't need to hear about his problems. Dean had to remind himself that he had broken Cas's heart, which sent him into tears, but he clenched his hands into fists to keep from scratching. Tessa would ask, and she always knew if he was lying.

Besides, he would have to be strong for when Sammy got back. Had to be strong for Sammy. Bobby tried to talk to him, as did Ellen, but Dean could only focus on his brother. He called his cell numerous times, but always he reached the voicemail recording and not his brother. He must have left fifty messages by now.

The only good news was that Baby was all better now, recovered from his little rampage, but it was just a car...not his brother. All he really wanted was for his brother to come back to him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is slightly shorter than normal, sorry.
> 
> Triggers: mentions of rape.

Dean wanted to just go out and look for Sam, but if his baby brother didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t be. So instead he went with the next thing on his list: tracking down the bitch who had hurt his Sammy. It was a Saturday afternoon, so Dean knew she might not be home. He held out hope though, as he drove in his freshly repaired car down the roads, prowling for her house.

He knew where it was...he had dropped Sam off at her house that Thursday night. He knew that made what had happened his fault, but he shoved that down. No need to let that thought see the light of day. Ever. Except it kept niggling at his consciousness. Just one more reason to make her pay.

He pulled into her driveway, the telltale crunch of gravel under his tires bringing a feral grin to his face. He wasn’t sure if she was in there, but he would damn well find out. He opened the Impala’s door, slid out of the seat, and slammed it shut. He banged heavily on the wooden door. “Ruby! Open up!”

He heard movement from inside the house, and silently wished her parents weren’t around for that. That could be a problem. He hadn’t thought of that at all. Just of making his brother’s attacker suffer for what she did. 

Luckily, the brunette was the one who opened the door. “What do you want?” 

“Your parents home?” He didn’t even try to disguise the venom he was spitting out between his gritted teeth. 

To his not-so-surprise, Ruby adjusted slightly. If he hadn’t been paying attention to what she was really doing, her sudden move into a far more feminine atmosphere would have thrown him off. “No,” she said, her voice honeyed. 

He chuckled inwardly. If she thought that was going to help her, she was much mistaken. He pushed his way past her into her living room, his eyes immediately going to the brown leather couch. From what he had gleaned from Jess, that was where Ruby had hurt his brother. “Good.” He folded his arms and glared down at her. “I suppose you wouldn’t like to tell me exactly what happened on Thursday night?” 

Ruby pulled out her phone and bared her teeth in a smile. He wanted to punch them out. As he studied her face, he noticed the shadow of a bruise on her jaw. He hoped Sam had put it there. As Ruby spoke, she looked down at her phone, tapping away at the screen. “Sam texted me on Tuesday night, asking me if I was free on Thursday. I talked to him in chemistry, and he told me that he could come over Thursday night to study for our test.” Classic Sam, Dean thought.“When he got here, he started coming on to me. Heavily. He wanted to have sex with me. So I complied. The guy’s attractive.” Ruby laughed quietly. Dean knew she was lying, but didn’t interrupt. “Then Jess walked in. I had invited her to the study session so that she wouldn’t feel threatened. I had no intentions on her boyfriend, but I needed her to know that. She yelled at Sam for cheating on her and left.” 

She crossed her arms, tucking her phone into her pocket. Dean snarled, and he saw her eyes widen in surprise as he took a single stride forward, gripped her shirt front, and shoved her against the wall. “Explain the bruising I saw on his neck then.” He looked her directly in the eyes and added, “And it better be the right answer.”

She smirked. “Not my fault your brother likes it rough.”

“Wrong answer.” Dean shoved her harder into the wall. “Because, see, I know my brother. I know how shaken up he was when I picked him up that night. And I know,” he shook her, “that that wasn’t only because Jess broke up with him. So unless you want to die today, you will tell me what happened.”

“No can do, chief,” Ruby said, kicking his knee hard. He stumbled, and she was out of his grip. She made no move to attack. Instead, looking bored, she started tapping at her phone again. “I don’t kiss and tell.”

Dean held himself back from attacking her once more. Attacking her would solve nothing. He would be discovered. A sense of helplessness rose up in his gut and filled his throat with tight knots. He almost choked on it. So instead of acknowledging the bitch, he stumbled out of the house and into his car. He would have to find Sam and get him to report her. That was the way to go about it. That was the way to hurt her.

Logically, he knew that would bear no fruit. There was no real physical evidence, but there might be physical evidence on Ruby. Which she could use to claim assault herself. And who would a jury believe? He clenched his hands into fists on the steering wheel and forced himself to drive away.

*****

**Ruby:** Dean is here.  <<

 **Meg:** >> i dont think i need to say that you need to lie to him?

**Ruby:** obvis. what should i tell him?  <<

**Meg:** >> idk try that sam forced himself on you. turn it around

**Ruby:** doubt he’ll believe that lmao its dean  <<

**Meg:** >> true. but it’s worth a shot. after that just avoid the question

**Ruby:** kay i can try. i take it everything went well if deans after me, yeah?  <<

**Meg:** >> oh yeah. went swimmingly. sam’s in custody now

**Ruby:** sweet! mission accomplished. whats liliths view on all this?  <<

**Meg:** >> oh you know lilith. as long as the masters happy she’s happy

**Ruby:** has she said anything to you about it? deans gone btw  <<

**Meg:** >> cool. and nah not really. she told me that she was planning on rewarding you tho

**Ruby:** rewarding? really? i certainly hope so...i mean i may be a soldier but a girl has needs, ya know?  <<

**Meg:** >> oh yeah i know. get it, girl. liliths in a good mood right now

**Ruby:** okay then ttyl i am going to go ‘talk’ to her  <<

**Meg:** >> awesome! lemme know how it goes

**Ruby:** will do ;)  <<

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think! I love reading comments.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Saturday night, after Dean had confronted Ruby. Hopefully everything stays chronological from now on. Thank you guys for reading, leaving kudos, and commenting. It means a lot to me!
> 
> Triggers: mentions of sexual assault and suicide

Jess was reading on the couch when a tentative knock on the door got her attention. “Jess?” Jess got up and answered the door, hoping against hope it wasn’t Sam waiting for her. She was still too angry to talk to him. Instead, it was his brother Dean standing there, hands clenched at his sides. Jess presumed he was angry, though the knock at the door had been downright shy.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, no ire in her own voice though she just knew Sam had sent Dean to talk to her on his behalf. She knew it. And she wanted no part of it.

Dean took a deep breath before saying, “I need to talk to you about Sam.” Jess narrowed her eyes, but Dean cut her off before she could say anything. “No, he didn’t send me. And that’s part of the reason I need to talk to you.”

Curiosity piqued, Jess said, “All right, come in.” She stepped aside and Dean made his way into her house. They sat on the couch. Jess waited for Dean to say something, but he didn’t. He just looked down at his hands until Jess finally said, “Okay, spill. Why are you here on a Saturday night instead of being out with your boyfriend?”

Dean chuckled quietly, but Jess could easily tell that he was unamused. “Because Sam is missing. I haven’t seen him since before dinner yesterday.” 

Jess suppressed a gasp. That wasn’t like Sam. He never just ran off and stayed gone. He always came back relatively soon. “Why did he leave?” She was glad her parents had gone to a movie...they didn’t need to be here for a conversation like this. 

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know. He was really quiet on the way home. Wouldn’t talk to me at all. And then he left.”

“Did you see him leave?” Jess’s analytical mind took over. She wasn’t planning on a forensics degree for nothing. 

Dean gave her a strange look. “No, I was reading. I just know he didn’t come back.” He crossed his arms, meeting her eyes with a glitter in his own. 

“Who was the last person to speak with him?” Maybe that person would be able to make this a bit clearer. 

“Bobby, I think. He told me Sam thanked him before he left.” Dean looked puzzled, but Jess thought she might know what happened. 

Hoping she was wrong, Jess asked, “Did he leave a note?” 

“Not that I could find.” Not good, Jess told herself. Not good at all. Sam looked just bad enough in English class that morning that she found herself believing the conclusion she had come to. 

Though she thought she had her answer, she asked “What happened that might have made him leave?” If it wasn’t too bad of an occurrence, maybe she was wrong. She hoped to God she was wrong. 

Dean paused, seeming to deliberate over answering this question before finally responding, “Ruby happened.”

Jess narrowed her eyes in confusion. “Ruby? The bitch he was cheating on me with?”

“He wasn’t cheating,” Dean said slowly and quietly. 

This stopped Jess in her tracks. If Sam hadn’t been cheating on her...The answer dawned on her, and she felt bile rising up her throat. She swallowed, determined not to puke in front of Dean. “So, when I yelled at him—”

“He was having a pretty rough time of it already,” Dean confirmed, and Jess felt tears welling up behind her eyes. 

She blinked them back and whispered, “Oh, God. This is my fault. Oh no. Oh God no. Why did I do that?”

She felt Dean’s arms encircle her, and she melted into the embrace. “It wasn’t your fault, Jess. You didn’t know. How could you know?”

“I should have known,” Jess said. Hating the way that sounded but knowing it was accurate, she let the words roll off her tongue again and again until Dean shushed her and she trailed off into silence.

“You were asking all sorts of questions back there, Miss Forensics.” Jess started, wondering how Dean could possibly know what her plans were, but then she realized Sam must have told him. “Do you have any ideas as to what happened? I’m grasping at straws here.”

Jess couldn’t hold back her tears anymore. “Dean...I think he left to, um...” She couldn’t finish her sentence, but Dean’s sudden intake of breath informed her that he had finished her sentence.

“He left to kill himself,” Dean said under his breath. “Oh, God, Jess.” 

Jess felt tears falling on her hair, but she didn’t mind. This was his brother, and she had just told him the absolute worst conclusion that could happen. And it seemed to be the only viable explanation. 

When the bile rose again in her throat, Jess extracted herself from the room and ran to the bathroom, puking her guts into the toilet. It seemed right to do now. The situation had gone from bad to worse in a matter of seconds. This made her feel cleaner.

Her hair was pulled away from her face, and she realized Dean was behind her, watching her vomiting. And at the moment, she couldn’t care less what he thought of her. Finally, tears running down her face, she returned to an upright position and brushed her teeth.

As she did so, she thanked Dean, who shrugged it off. “It was the decent thing to do,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this.”

“I’m sorry I just told you why I think Sam left.” She really was, too. That was not cool of her.

Dean just smiled. “Sammy wouldn’t do that. He’s just run off somewhere. I’ll find him.” But Jess could see the hopeless look in his eyes. He didn’t believe a word he had just said.

So Jess said, “Why don’t you go see Crowley? You look exhausted, and this isn’t something you need to deal with late at night.”

Jess couldn’t mistake the look that flashed over Dean’s eyes. It was fear. Pure fear. She regretted the words instantly. “Or not. Just go somewhere you feel comfortable, Dean. Please.”

Dean nodded. “I’ll go to Crowley’s. He knows how to make me feel better.” Dean’s voice had gone completely flat and emotionless. Jess wanted to hug him, but she knew better. This situation wasn’t nearly as emotionally charged as when they were both crying. 

Nevertheless, she felt a strange sense of responsibility to not let Dean go see Crowley. Not with those reactions. “You probably should just go home, don’t you think?”

Now there was a strong dose of resolve in his eyes, and Jess knew she had lost. “I am going to Crowley’s. He can help me, I know it.” Dean placed a hand on her shoulder. “Get some sleep, Jess. I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

Jess smiled, still worried. “All right. Call me?” Dean nodded, and Jess led him into the kitchen, where she grabbed a notepad and scribbled down her number. “Don’t lose it,” she said with a grin.

“Never,” Dean said before giving her another hug and walking out the door. She followed him and heard his voice as he shut the door. “Screw Tessa.”

Jess didn’t know who Tessa was, but this certainly didn’t sound good. She found the phone book, buried under all kinds of stuff in a crate in the laundry room, and looked for a name... **Fergus McLeod**. She wrote down the address, just in case she needed it later. What exactly was going on with Dean and Crowley? she wondered. And why did he seem so scared?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! I thrive on comments!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your encouragement! Means a lot :)
> 
> Triggers: mentions of abuse, panic attack, and car accidents.

_"Crowley must break up with Dean, Meg. Dean needs to hurt. That is how we can do that."_

_"He has already defied us once, Lilith. How do we compel him?"_

_"Make him aware of the consequences. As for you, Ruby, well done. Sam is now awake and ready for use."_

_"Use?"_

_"Yeah, Ruby. Use. In the Master's plan? God, you're dense."_

_"There is no need to be rude, Meg. Ruby has done well, and you have not yet succeeded. I would suggest you keep your snark to yourself for now."_

_"Yes, Lilith."_

*****

Dean did exactly what he told Jess he was going to do. He drove to Crowley's house. It wasn't too late, so he knocked on the door. And Meg answered it. "Hey, Dean. Don't worry, your boyfriend's fine," she said, as if Dean was worried about it. "I was just leaving." She looked back at a very glum Crowley. "Don't forget what I told you, Fergus." That got Dean worried. Meg had gotten over calling Crowley Fergus ages ago. If it was back, there was a problem.

As Meg stepped out, Dean stepped in and made his way over to the couch, taking a seat next to his boyfriend...if they were that anymore. After Thursday night, Dean hadn't thought he'd ever be back in this house. But here he was, sitting next to Crowley on the couch he choked Dean on. And for some reason, that didn't trigger a panic attack. 

"What might you be doing here?" Crowley asked sullenly. "You left."

Dean couldn't help but chuckle. "After you nearly strangled me. I hardly think that makes this my fault." When Crowley didn't respond, Dean asked, "So what was Meg doing here?" 

"Doesn't matter. Screw it." Crowley pulled Dean in for a kiss, but Dean broke it. "Something wrong, love?"

"Sam's missing. And I think I know why and I'm going to look for him tomorrow, maybe find him." Dean's voice was shaking. "I can't...I can't lose him, Crowley."

And there went the world, spinning away from him again. Dean could hear the pounding in his chest, loud and clear. The room dropped 10 degrees, and when a hand closed around his wrist, he flinched away. But the grip didn't relent, and he stared at Crowley's hand gently closed around his wrist, then met his eyes. "Focus on your breathing, Dean." Crowley breathed with him until Dean relaxed. 

Once Dean had relaxed, Crowley released his wrist immediately. "Thanks," Dean said. He pressed his lips against Crowley's cheek. His boyfriend seemed incredibly uncomfortable, and Dean was sure it was his fault. Maybe he shouldn't have come.

Crowley cleared his throat tentatively. This was so unlike him. The guy carried himself like a king, and acted like one. So for him to be acting shy now...Dean knew he had made his boyfriend uncomfortable, and he felt awful about it. "I'm sorry about Thursday," Crowley said. "I made a huge mistake. And I think maybe we need to go our separate ways."

Did those words just happen? Dean wouldn't let himself believe it. So he leaned in and kissed Crowley hard, crushing their lips together. He traced Crowley's lips with his tongue, but his boyfriend refused him entry. And then Crowley pushed him away. "What do you think you're doing?"

Dean pulled strength from how Crowley had acted before the incident on Thursday. "Oh, whatever I want."

He leaned in again, but Crowley said, "Really? Because I think you don't know what you want." He held Dean at arm's length. "I hurt you, Dean, and you leave. Not two days later you come running back. Please just do us both a favor and pick a bloody side." Crowley sounded tired and sad. 

"Are you all right?" Dean asked, worried. Crowley nodded. "Then what is your problem?"

"I'm just sorry, Dean. Can't I be sorry?" Crowley sounded petulant now, and Dean was getting really confused. This was nothing like Crowley. What had Meg told him?

Dean wanted to ask, but he also didn't want to anger his boyfriend. It was at moments like these when he missed Cas the most. He could always be bluntly honest with the blue-eyed boy. In fact, it was almost required of him to be so. Damn it, he just missed Cas, and he regretted doing what he had done. And he hated himself for thinking of that during this conversation with his actual boyfriend. "I accept your apology."

"Now, please go home, Dean. I don't want to hurt you." Dean narrowed his eyes. Crowley looked directly into them and said firmly, "Now. Just leave."

"Are you breaking up with me, Crowley?" Dean crossed his arms. This isn't how this was supposed to go. Crowley was supposed to help distract him from Sammy being missing for a night. And with that thought the guilt crashed down on him. He was trying to forget that Sam was gone. 

He would leave regardless of the answer. He promised himself that. This was an insult to his Sammy. Crowley answered him after a few seconds had agonizingly passed. "I need some time, squirrel. Give me some time."

Dean nodded silently and exited the house. He needed to look for Sam. Thoroughly exhausted, he slid behind the wheel of his Baby and turned the key in the ignition. He drove for a while, scanning the sides of the road for his brother, just in case he had ended up in a ditch. After a couple hours, it was nearly midnight, so Dean started driving toward Bobby's house. He had Metallica's black album playing loudly in order to stay awake, but he found himself nodding. 

Instead of pulling over, hr sped up, hoping the speed would wake him up, but that failed too. The next thing Dean knew, he was about two seconds away from a head-on collision with a semi truck. He swerved, but he was too late, and the semi crashed into the side of the Impala (not the front) and shoved him off the road. The car came to a skidding halt, leaving Dean unconscious and bloody in the driver's seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd really love to get some comments!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay in the last chapter, Dean originally rolled his car. However, after a brief discussion with my wonderful friend [Amahami](archiveofourown.org/users/Amahami), I realized that this was not viable and that it needed to change. Therefore, he no longer rolled the Impala. Little change, no big deal.  
> Thanks for sticking with me and giving me feedback, guys :) 
> 
> Triggers: mentions of car accident, injuries, hospital visit.
> 
> The first viewpoint is the night Dean crashed the car (Saturday), and the other is Sunday morning, around 10.

"Singer-Harvelle residence, this is Ellen." Dean hadn't yet gotten home, and Ellen was almost praying that he was the one on the line right now. 

And she was close. "This is Jude at Mercy Hospital. You are Dean Winchester's emergency contact?" Crap. What had that boy gotten himself into? 

"Yeah. Let me get my husband." She pressed the receiver against her shoulder and called, "Bobby, get your ass in here!"

Bobby walked into the kitchen, beer in hand. "Who is it?"

"The hospital. About Dean." Ellen found her voice shaking. First came Sam being missing...and now Dean was in the hospital? Not her boys. Not now.

"Put them on speaker," Bobby said immediately. 

Ellen did so. "Jude? We're both here now. What about Dean?"

"He was in a car accident. The driver of the truck that hit his car brought him here and he is currently in Intensive Care. He hasn't yet woken up." Jude relayed this horrible information in a clinical, detached voice, as though she were not telling a family that their son might die. 

"We're on our way." Ellen spoke immediately. Bobby seemed to be in a state of shock. She gripped his hand tightly, her only lifeline while her world steadily collapsed around her.

But then Jude had to answer. "Ma'am, only family is allowed in the ICU to visit patients."

"Like I said. We're on our way." And with that Ellen hung up. Without speaking, she and Bobby grabbed jackets and went to the car. If the staff of that hospital weren't going to let her into the ICU to see Dean, too bad. Like hell she wasn't going to see him. 

When they got there, Ellen was in full mama-bear mode. "I'm here to see Dean Winchester. My son." 

The woman at the desk just smiled. "Oh, you must be Mr. and Mrs. Singer-Harvelle. I believe we spoke on the phone?"

Ellen glanced at the named tag the woman was wearing. **Jude**. Oh hell no.

"That's me. And I have been a mother to that boy since his own died over a decade ago, and my husband has been a father to him since his father hit the drink and he has been living with us since his father died a few months ago. So you will let me into the ICU to see my son. Right now." Ellen was snarling by the time she was finished. 

Jude held up her hands in surrender. "All right, ma'am. He is in critical condition so we are not allowed to let you into the room, but you can see him."

Ellen nodded, but was about to open her mouth and insist (damn it, they were family) when Bobby said, "Sounds good. Just let us see Dean." They were the first words he had spoken since they had gotten the phone call from the hospital.

Jude nodded. "Right this way." The couple followed her through the hallways to the glass door of the room Dean was in. Ellen was no stranger to injuries...running the Roadhouse carried a certain danger of dealing with drunken bar fights...but the state of Dean's body? He was hooked up to oxygen, a feeding tube, the works. "When the driver of the semi truck brought him in, he said Dean was in the wrong lane. Apparently, your son swerved just in time to avoid a head-on collision, but it was too late to avoid the wreck. He was shoved off the road. The vehicle didn't roll, luckily, or he would be dead already."

Ellen sighed in relief. Not head-on and not a rolled vehicle. He had a good chance, she hoped. She couldn't lose another of her children to a car. Damn it, she couldn't lose another one of her children. She felt herself being ushered away from the ICU, but didn't fight it. She was just too tired for this.

*****

"Hey, Clarence." This was new. He had called her for a change. "What's happening?"

"Right now, nothing. I'm simply staring at my ceiling." Meg rolled her eyes, though she knew Clarence couldn't see her. "I wanted to talk to you. You could come over or we could meet somewhere. Your choice."

This didn't worry Meg. Clarence wasn't one for talking on the phone. Not about important things. He'd rather show up, talk in person. "I'll just come over then. See you in a few."

"Yes." Clarence disconnected the call. Meg laughed. The boy was amusing. She could talk on the phone for hours...often did, with Lilith. Or Ruby. Those were always fun times. But her boyfriend? Hated the phone. Oh sure, he enjoyed texting. But he couldn't wait for an excuse to get out of a phone call. 

Oh well. Meg pulled on her leather jacket over the T-shirt she was wearing and adjusted her jeans legs before heading downstairs. Her mother didn't say a word about her leaving. Like she cared. So Meg just walked. It was only like 7 blocks to Clarence's house, and that wasn't too bad.

When she arrived and knocked on the door, the short one, Gabriel, answered it. "Meg." 

"Gabe." They weren't fond of each other, but that didn't bug her. If Clarence wanted her around, Gabriel wasn't going to say much about it. 

True to form, he hollered up the stairs, "Cassie! Your girlfriend is here!" Clarence walked down the stairs, dark hair extremely messy and deep bags under his blue eyes. He was wearing a blue hoody and dark jeans. 

He looked at Gabriel first and said, "Can we have a bit of privacy, Gabriel?" Gabriel just nodded and left the room. No snark, nothing. Meg was impressed. Clarence took her by the hand and led her to the couch. "I read in the news that Dean was in a car accident. He's in the hospital."

Why the hell did she have to come all the way here to hear about Dean Winchester's car accident? She shrugged. "All right. Is that why you wanted to talk to me?"

"I'm worried about him, Meg. He could die from this." Clarence sounded so torn up about this. Meg almost couldn't understand why. Dean dumped him...and hadn't spoken to him since. Why would he care so much about the guy? But then again, this was Castiel Novak she was thinking about. The boy who had killed John Winchester (and gotten away without a hitch) because he laid hands on Dean.

Meg thought about this for a second, but decided to go with her first thought for her response. "Why so worried, Clarence? He hurt you."

The boy's blue eyes darkened considerably as he glared at Meg. "How can you be so callous about his life?"

Meg raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I see. You're still in love with him, aren't you?" She knew he was. But he was her boyfriend right now, and like hell he was going to pine over his ex. 

Clarence crossed his arms. "I care about him." He paused, but it was glaringly obvious that he was about to say something else. "More than you."

Meg frowned. She thought she had secured him fairly tightly in this relationship. Time to turn on the charm...such as she had. "I'm not sure what you mean?" She despised having to pretend to be someone she wasn't to keep him, but she liked him. And this was her job. So, for reasons both personal and professional, she used a slightly higher voice and tried to make herself seem more feminine and slightly more vulnerable.

"Dean is in the hospital. He was in a car accident. And yet you say nothing but disparagement toward my caring about his safety." Oh, she had screwed up this time. She hadn't realized just how ill he would take her trademark indifference about this particular circumstance.

So she did what typically worked. She walked toward him, slowly. He just stood there stiffly as she invaded his personal space. "I'm sorry, Castiel. Can I make it up to you?"She deepened her voice when saying his name, hoping this would draw attention to her use of his real name. 

She smiled as Clarence nodded. "You can." He bent down, lips hovering at her ear. She could feel his warm breath on her neck, and her own breath hitched. If it were possible, his voice got lower as he growled, "You can get the hell out of my house." 

She huffed in a gasp and stepped back. "What?" 

"We're through. Get out." Castiel kept standing there, and suddenly Meg could see the Novak in him. So she just nodded and walked out the door.

As she walked, she scrolled through her phone and made a call she had been dying to make ever since Crowley disobeyed orders the first time. 

"What do you want?"

"Nice to hear your voice too, Fergus. New orders."

Fergus groaned and said, "And what might those be?"

"Break up with Dean. And do it now."

"Meg..."

"No buts. The second you can visit him. No later." Meg hung up, still fuming. When she finally made it home, she stormed upstairs. Lilith would need to hear about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys thought of that :D


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient with the delay, guys! I went out of town unexpectedly.
> 
> Triggers: mentions of past abuse and past car accident and past suicide

Dean woke up with Ellen sitting next to him clinging to his hand. It took him a moment to realize where he was. "Ellen. Why am I in the hospital?"

"You got in a car accident. Damn fool thing to do." Ellen's voice cracked, letting Dean know just how upset she really was. And suddenly the reason for that came to him. 

He tried to sit up, but he couldn't. He figured they must have him sedated. "Where's Sammy?"

Ellen shook her head. "Still gone. But he'll make his way back."

Even drugged, Dean could see the lie in her eyes. She didn't believe a word she was saying to him. But Dean decided not to call her on it. Thinking about what was happening made him want to dig something into his flesh. This was his fault. He hadn't helped his brother soon enough. And here he was in the hospital not able to do a damn thing while Sam could be dead somewhere. "We have to find him." 

"Bobby's with Sheriff Mills right now working on it. Don't worry. You just focus on getting yourself better." Ellen poorly suppressed a yawn.

"Ellen, go home and get some sleep. And eat something. I'll be fine here." Ellen looked as though she were about to protest, but Dean said, "Take care of yourself, Ellen. I know this must be hell for you. But I'm alive. And relatively stable. And Sam will turn up eventually. Please. Treat yourself right."

Ellen sighed. "All right, son. I'll be back soon." She got up without argument (so unlike her, but Dean was relieved) and left. 

And then Crowley was against the glass. There was a nurse next to him, and Dean could barely make out some of what she was saying from her lips. He lifted an arm and waved to her. 

She hurried into the room. "What do you need?"

Dean read her nametag. "Well, Jude, that is my boyfriend outside the door, and I'd like to speak to him, if you don't mind."

Jude smiled. "I'd love to allow him in, Dean, but rules are rules. Only family members may visit you right now."

"Please? I really need to talk to him. I'd appreciate it if you let him in." Dean turned on the charm and smiled at her.

Jude nodded, sighing in resignation, just as Ellen had. Dean was on a roll. "All right. Five minutes."

"Thanks so much," said Dean as she left the room and let Crowley in. "Didn't need as much time as you thought you did?" The charm was gone. Dean allowed his anger at Crowley to take over for a second.

"Listen, Dean, I need to tell you something. I never wanted to hurt you. Meg ordered me to." Crowley sighed. Dean looked at him in confusion. "I really actually like you. The Novak family hired me to hurt you, though, and I was stupid. There, I admitted it, I was stupid."

Dean opened his mouth to respond, but Crowley cut him off. "We only have five minutes. Please just let me finish." Dean nodded. "Meg has ordered me to break up with you. And I think that may be a good idea. I have been deceiving you since this relationship began."

And then Dean couldn't stop himself from breaking in. "Meg ordered you to break up with me? Is that why you," he put weak air quotes around the words, 'needed time'? Because, Crowley, if that's so, that is something that can be addressed."

"Perhaps you didn't hear me correctly. The Novak family is the one really passing down these orders." Dean's sudden understanding must have shown on his face, because Crowley continued, "The Novaks are a very powerful family. I don't know much more than that. Above my pay grade. I get my orders from Meg."

Dean still couldn't believe it. "But the Novaks? That's Cas's family. Why would they be interested in me?" 

"I don't know. If I did, I'd tell you. But I can't." Crowley crossed his arms. "I'm sorry I did all that to you. You certainly didn't deserve it. You're one of the better men I've ever known. I'll get out of here..let you live your life. I really am sorry."

Crowley looked so broken up. Dean had no idea how to respond. This had crossed the line into chick-flick category. "I, uh, guess I'll be seeing you around school then?"

"I hope so." With that, Crowley turned and left the room, leaving Dean to mull over all the new information he had. After all, what else was he supposed to do while he was stuck here?

Outside in the hall, Jude was dialing a number on her cell phone. She held the phone up to her ear, engaged in a brief conversation, hung up, and entered Dean's room. "Did you talk about what you needed to talk about?"

"Yeah," Dean said, lost in thought. "I suppose I did."

*****

It was late afternoon when Lilith received a phone call from her operative in the hospital. "What do you have for me?" she asked.

"The British boy was here. He spoke to Dean, then walked out crying. But I bugged his room, just like you said, and it seems this Crowley kid spilled some information."

"What kind of information?" If he told Dean what she thought he told Dean, there would be severe consequences. 

"I think he told Dean everything he knew about what's going on."

That idiot boy. Lilith knew she would have to call the Master for orders on this one. "All right, Jude. Thank you very much. You know where to find your envelope."

"Yes ma'am. Thank you." Lilith hung up, positively spitting mad.

She dialed her burner phone. The Master picked up on the third ring. "Lilith? What happened?"

"The Crowley boy has told Dean everything he knows about the family and its plans. What should I do?" Lilith thought she already knew the answer. She had been working with the Master since before he had had to disappear, and knew what he did to traitors.

But the icy tone as he said, "Kill the boy," sent chills through her whole body. "It is about time traitors ceased to get away with treachery and defection."

"Yes, Master. Crowley will die." Lilith smiled as she said it. The British boy was annoying anyway.

"Good. And I believe an old traitor will be receiving a visit soon as well."

Lilith outright grinned at that. She had been going to school with a traitor teaching classes since the Master went away and the traitor changed her name. Ms. Bradbury, aka Celeste Middleton, would die in pain just as her girlfriend had. And Lilith couldn't be happier. 

The Master hung up the phone, leaving Lilith in one of the best moods of her life laying on her bed. This would be the best assignment ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my fic, guys...I appreciate it.
> 
> Triggers: mentions of past abuse  
> Other than that, it's actually a fairly mild chapter, trigger wise.

Gabriel totally hadn't been listening at the top of the stairs. No way. Coming downstairs right after Meg walked out was definitely just a wacky coincidence. "Hey, Cassie, what's happening?" he asked, not letting on that he had just heard everything that went down.

"I just broke up with Meg." Cas's voice was totally flat, not a single trace of emotion in it. And Gabriel knew that when that happened, Cas was a mixture of extremely upset and very happy, with a dash of angry. 

But even though Gabriel knew Cas was unhappy, he couldn't help his surge of elation. Meg had been absolutely horrible for his little brother, and not only because she was an obvious plant. Gabriel could see that she genuinely cared for his brother. But this was Meg Masters. And she would hurt Cas in the long run. "Why?" It was a simple question with what Gabriel hoped was a simple answer.

And Cas did answer very simply. "Dean is in the hospital."

Gabriel narrowed his eyes slightly. That answer was anything but simple. There was obviously a web of components to Cas's decision to break up with Meg, and Gabriel wanted to get to the bottom of it. "And what does that have to do with dear Meg?"

"She didn't care. She was upset that I was worried. And I still love Dean, so it was wrong to be with her anyway. So I broke up with her." Cas crossed his arms as though daring Gabriel to comment. 

Gabriel merely shrugged. "Up to you, Cassie." He kept his manner jovial, but he was worried. He knew very well that Meg was a plant and that she worked under Lilith. He also knew Luci's goal in setting them up. So if Cas had broken up with Meg, that had to have set some wheels moving. And Gabriel was not looking forward to seeing what happened.

Cas just nodded and walked past him. He seemed so dejected that Gabriel actually reached out and touched his shoulder. Gabriel never offered physical reassurance...it was quite frowned upon by the family. Luci was the only one who dared break that unwritten rule. So Gabriel was unsurprised when Cas grabbed his wrist and pushed it away. 

Though this was a negative reaction, Gabriel was heartened by the fact that Cas was willing to touch him, so he followed him upstairs. "Something is more wrong than you're letting on." Gabriel really didn't like getting serious like this. He always tried to stay as lighthearted as possible. There was no other way to survive this damn family. And what with their father actually being home for once in God only knew how long, he needed the jokes and laughter.

But there was no happiness in Cas's eyes, so Gabriel had to try to figure out what was in his brain. And Cas's answer explained everything. "I miss Dean." The tone of his voice easily conveyed a deep sadness and the words showed the reason. It was all Gabriel could do to not pull his brother into a tight hug. 

To fight off the feeling that he should, Gabriel nodded and simply replied, "Understandable." This was apparently not the reaction that Cas wanted, as he simply huffed and went into his room, slamming the door behind him. 

Gabriel sighed, debating whether to knock. He decided against it and walked away, formulating a plan too deal with whatever fallout came from what Cas had done.

*****

Three days later, Dean came home from the hospital with painkillers and strict orders to stay on bedrest. Ellen took both with complete seriousness. Dean knew be would be following the bedrest order even if Ellen had to tie him to the bedposts.

When they pulled up to the house, the first thing Dean noticed was that the Impala was not out front. He knew she was wrecked and had spent a lot of time thinking about how he would repair her. Again. He wasn't angry at the hospital stay or the amount of injuries he had. He was angry at the fact that he had just finished fixing his baby and then he had to go and ruin her again. 

And then there was the information Crowley had told him. Dean wasn't sure if he believed the other boy. In fact, he was positive he didn't. But while Ellen got him settled into bed with food beside him and his painkillers next to a glass of water, his thoughts turned to Cas's father. The man was never home. And Lucifer? Dean had never known why he was in that hospital, but there were rumors. The question was, were the rumors true? 

Had Lucifer Novak actually killed someone? And if he had, was he just part of some big scheme? Dean's head was spinning. The implications were immense and if what Crowley had told him was true, that put his boyfriend (ex?) in some serious danger. If he was on the payroll of a mob family or similar, he had just betrayed them. And everyone knew what happens to traitors. 

Contemplating Crowley's possible death was a source of extremely mixed feelings for Dean. On the one hand, Crowley had hurt him...and though Dean knew murder was wrong, he almost wished he could kill the British bastard himself. But on the other hand, Crowley had freely given that information, and basically turned over his life to tell Dean the truth. Dean had to respect that. 

So he decided not to think about it. Instead, he dozed and read and ate and was absolutely bored until finally he started doodling in a notebook with a couple of pens. He wasn't an artist, not by any means, but the drawing was recognizable by the crazy dark hair and blue eyes. 

Realizing he had drawn Cas, he slammed the notebook shut and rolled over, shutting his eyes and trying to fall asleep, but two blue eyes kept swimming behind his eyelids. This wasn't the first time he had missed Cas, but he could usually ignore it. This time he couldn't, and the blue absorbed everything else until he finally reached for the painkillers to knock himself out. 

He swallowed a couple of pills and was finally able to drift into a deep sleep that didn't involve Cas or Sam or anything that was going on. In short...it was as close to heaven as Dean had come for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for sticking with me :)
> 
> Triggers: violence, death, and threats

Lilith was never that great at staying under the radar. Like Ruby, she tended to flaunt her assets whenever she could. After all, she had them...why not use them?

She had received the order to kill Crowley on a Tuesday afternoon, after she had learned how big of a mess the British boy had made. She would never understand treachery like that. She had only two priorities...serve Lucifer and protect Ruby. And they tended to go together.

So on Wednesday morning, she prepared herself, dressing in her tight-fitting leather jacket over a long white dress. She didn't usually wear dresses like this, but this dress had a deep hidden pocket in which she was easily able to hide her switchblade, a birthday gift from Ruby a few months ago.

The handle was an unblemished white with a lace-like pattern. The button was a turquoise stone, which Ruby said matched her eyes. Lilith was super attached to this knife, not only because of who had given it to her but because of its practicality for her job.

The blade was extremely thin. It was no good for knife fighting, but it was perfect for the summary executions she was accustomed to performing. A bound victim would feel little to no pain upon their death.

One simple stab behind the ear in that sweet soft spot above the jaw, and her victim would instantly die. Of course, hitting that spot took practice. But Lilith had gotten that practice in her time with the Master. She knew many methods of killing and torture. Though she hadn't been able to use her skills since Lucifer had been forced into hiding, they were as sharp as ever.

She went to school, trailing her target through the hallways and barely making it to her own classes. Her dress made her conspicuous, but she bought it specifically for the kill. She was in love with the way the blood splattered against the skirt, creating bright red patterns that she sealed into the fabric like tie-dye. She had several dresses like that at home, hanging in her closet.

She tended to be open about her activities in her home, since the only people who were ever there were part of the business. She knew she was probably screwed if she was ever suspected of a crime (what with the knives and bloody clothing), but if she were ever to be caught, she would deserve her fate. Besides, Lucifer would send her a method of killing herself quickly so she wouldn't reveal her contacts.

After school, she followed her target to his car. "Hi, Crowley," she said sweetly. "My car broke down and I was wondering if you could give me a ride to my house?"

Her target looked uncertain, narrowing his eyes at her. "Why don't you go up to the office and call a mechanic?"

She licked her lips. He was suspicious, though he didn't know that Lilith passed orders to Meg. But he did know (the whole school did) that she and Meg were friends. And more, though that had to be on the down-low, what with Castiel and Meg having been an item for a while. "Please? There's chocolate chip cookies in it for you."

Her target shook his head. "I don't think so."

Time to make this into a threat, Lilith decided. She placed her hand in her pocket and came up with her knife. "Listen, Crowley, I don't want this to be difficult. I need a ride home." She flashed the handle of the knife at him. "And I need it now."

Her target set his lips in a firm line and said, "Or what, you'll stab me in the school parking lot? I'll pass. Thanks."

He opened his door and slid into the car. Lilith opened the passenger side door and slipped in before he had a chance to lock everything up. "Drive, Crowley. Just take me home."

He drove for a while, not arguing any more. Once she was in the car, she had reasoned, she would have the upper hand. And this had proven very true. But he suddenly pulled over and pulled a gun from under the seat, pointing it at her. "Out of the car."

Lilith simply chuckled, releasing her seatbelt and reaching over to him in a single fluid motion. She delivered a sharp blow to the back of his neck before he had a chance to respond. He seized up, and if he had the safety off his gun he would have shot her. Instead, she was able to pull him forward and hit him again. His eyes rolled up in his head and he collapsed against the steering wheel.

She got out of the car and moved around to the driver's side. She opened the door and unbuckled her target, shoving him over into what had previously been her seat. She climbed in and got the car moving again, taking them both to her house.

When they arrived at the house, she carried him bridal-style into the basement, nearly falling down the stairs in the process, where a chair sat on a concrete floor in a room with no windows.. She set him down, fastening him securely with his arms tied to the arms of the chair and his legs tied to the legs.

She went upstairs to her kitchen and grabbed the glass container of smelling salts from her spice cabinet. She brought it back downstairs and opened the container, waving them under her target's nose.

He blinked a couple times as he woke up. He glanced around as his alertness returned and his eyes widened in panic. "Scream and I'll cut out your tongue," Lilith warned.

"What are you doing?" her target asked, more calmly than she thought he would have, what with his situation.

"I give Meg her orders," Lilith revealed. "And I know you told Dean everything you know."

Her target nodded. "So you're going to kill me?"

Lilith smiled. "Oh yes."

"How?" Her target seemed strangely accepting, and Lilith didn't like it.

She leaned in close to him, pressing her lips to his ear. "You're so calm." She pressed the turquoise stone on her knife and reveled for a moment in the balanced feeling of her knife in her hand. She slid the blade along her target's neck, tracing a thin line of red along his throat. "This would work." Her target's eyes were bugging out of his head. "Or this," she said, pressing the blade through his shirt and creating a small nick over his heart.

"I see. Well, this has been lovely, but perhaps you could get around to simply killing me now?" He sounded bored.

Lilith shook her head. "Why the hell aren't you panicking?"

Her target shrugged as best he could. "It's inevitable. I knew that when I told Dean. And when you showed up at my car I knew it. This was my choice. So kill me."

Lilith nodded slowly before moving behind him, lining up her knife just right. "There's a special spot behind your ear," she said, "where you can't feel any bone. It's just above your jaw. If I were to press this knife in that spot and angle it slightly up, I'd sever your brainstem and kill you instantly and nearly painlessly."

Her target said, "But?"

Lilith smiled. "But if you move even a millimeter, I'll miss and then I'll have no choice but to kill you a lot more painfully. Your choice." Without further ado, she pushed the knife just right, and true to the human instinct to avoid pain, her target didn't move, instead slumping over, dead.

Lilith sighed deeply, a wide smile on her face. She had decided not to torture the boy, as it wouldn't have been any fun. He was too stoic for that. Her dress remained unstained, and she was pleased it had remained that way.

She grabbed her phone from the small table in the corner of the room and called Lucifer. He picked up only after a few rings. "Yes, Lilith?"

"Master, the British boy has been neutralized. How shall we dispose of him?" Lilith couldn't keep the glee from her voice. She had finally gotten to do this again.

"I will be over in a few minutes. Get him ready."

"Yes, Master." Lilith waited for him to hang up before untying Crowley's body and went to get a television box from her closet. When she got back, she folded the body into the box and taped it shut, then dragged it up the stairs into her living room, where Lucifer was waiting for her.

"Good, let's get to work." They carried it out the door and put it in the back of Lucifer's pickup truck. "I will dispose of the body and take care of the sheriff," he said.

She nodded and respectfully acquiesced before Lucifer got in the truck and drove away. Mission accomplished.

 

*****

Lucifer knew that this body had all the hallmark signs of a murder. Rope burns on the wrist, clinical stab wound, gentle slice of the throat...it was a work of art, really. But he couldn't let the sheriff find out about it.

He drove a little ways outside of town and disposed on the body in a pit he had had dug for this purpose before himself shoveling the excess dirt on top of it. It was time for a little visit with the sheriff.

He drove directly to the sheriff station and said simply, "Lucifer Novak, here to see Sheriff Mills." The minion at the desk nodded and sent him into an office.

The brunette stood up with a tight smile. "Mr. Novak, pleasure to see you." Her tone suggested it was anything but. Lucifer did not like being lied to.

But he smiled. "Oh, Ms. Mills, I'm sure that isn't what you meant to say, but I return the sentiment."

Formalities aside, Mills dropped into her chair. "Have a seat. What do you want?"

"So rude," Lucifer said with a grin. "A high school student has gone missing, a case will be brought up soon, and I need it dropped. He's nearly 18, and he just moved away."

"I assume the boy is dead?" Mills was no idiot. She tilted her head in a challenge. Lucifer simply smiled. "And why should I drop this case?"

"Because your son and husband need you to." Mills gasped slightly. "If the case is dropped, they won't be harmed. If you choose to meddle? The little boy will watch what happens to his father before it happens to him. Am I understood?"

Mills nodded. "Yes. Drop the case."

"Good girl." Lucifer got up to leave. "I do appreciate your discretion." He smiled and walked out of the sheriff's station. The sheriff was under his thumb now. He could make her do anything. In short? Lucifer had won. His family was perfectly safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the end of this installment...Next chapter will wrap it up and set up the next part of the series. Thank you guys for reading and sticking with me this far, and I hope to see you for a sequel :)
> 
> Triggers: panic attack, mentions of past suicide, mentions of past suicide attempt, depression, self-harm, suicide attempt.

Dean got a phone call on that Friday afternoon from a blocked number. Curious, he answered it, wheeling over to his door and shutting it carefully. The wheelchair was a pain in the ass, but at least he was mobile-ish. He had some casts, but he could wrap them and take baths on his own, and Ellen told him that "if he was careful," he could go to school on Monday. He had promised he would be careful, because he was going stir-crazy being stuck in the house. And upstairs only, no less. He had insisted that he be allowed to stay in his room, which meant no stairs for him. It was a miracle Ellen and Bobby had managed to get him up the stairs in the first place. 

"Hello?" he said quietly. He didn't want to seem helpless, but then again, he had absolutely no idea what was going on. Just some cryptic comments from Crowley, who hadn't called, texted, or visited since Dean had made it home from the hospital. A part of Dean was worried about him, especially after what Crowley had told him. But another part didn't much care. 

The voice was feminine, and one he didn't recognize. "Crowley is dead," was the response given to his greeting. 

Dean raised his eyebrows and released a shuddering breath. "What?" He breathed deeply, just as Tessa had taught him as a way to calm down. 

"We killed him for revealing information. His death is not going to be made public. He is known by the sheriff to have run away." The woman stated this in a matter-of-fact voice. Dean didn't trust himself to make any sort of calm response, so he stayed quiet. "If you reveal this information, the Singer-Harvelles will also 'run away.' Is this clear?"

Now this person was threatening Bobby and Ellen? What the hell had Dean gotten himself into? "What, the information that Crowley is dead?" Dean was proud of himself that his voice didn't even waver.

"Anything. Do not go to the sheriff with any information you may have about us. We will know." And kill Bobby and Ellen, was the unspoken end to that sentence. 

He drew on an inner reserve of calm that he had forgotten was there and replied, "Sure," before hanging up the phone. He wasn't sure what he had just agreed to, or if he had agreed at all. He only knew that obviously Sheriff Mills was working with them, his boyfriend was dead, it was Cas's family, and Bobby and Ellen were in danger. This information almost sent the room spinning, but he managed to steady himself. 

And then the kicker came. He had lost Cas. He had lost Crowley. He could lose Bobby and Ellen. He had lost Baby. And he had lost Sammy. He sat on his bed, head in his hands. It was too much. The air got thicker, and Dean found it difficult to breathe. He drew in as many breaths as he could, trying to keep himself from having a full-blown panic attack, but he got dizzy and had to lay down, face down, on the bed, shaking under the weight of his losses. 

Eventually, it passed, and Dean sat up again, tears drying on his face. He was the only one, besides the woman and apparently the Novaks, who knew that Crowley was dead. And if he let it slip, they would come for Bobby and Ellen. Dean had to protect them. 

That weekend, Dean stayed in Sam's vacant room quite a bit, the knowledge that Sam had killed himself running through his brain over and over again. 

When he wasn't sleeping or in Sam's room, he was in the bathroom, weaving complex patterns on his skin with a pocketknife he had found in the junk drawer while Bobby and Ellen slept one night. He was glad it was nearing winter, as he could wear a flannel every day without drawing any suspicion. Not that he needed an every day. 

When Monday came, Dean was up at six-thirty for school. He took as fast a bath as he could and got dressed in the bathroom, slipping his knife into his jeans pocket alongside his cell phone. It was hard to notice there, he reasoned.

He was basically a zombie during the first few hours. He was ready to die for the people he loved, but dealing with people leading up to that was a nightmare. And then came lunch. People had grown accustomed to him eating outside the cafeteria, so that wouldn't draw any suspicion, and he had told Ms. Bradbury that he would be eating with a friend that day. 

Instead of doing that (what friend would he possibly sit with that wouldn't ask about Crowley), he wheeled himself into the mostly-unused bathroom and went into the handicap stall, where he pulled his knife from his pocket and rolled up his sleeve, revealing the latticework he had so expertly carved. 

He hadn't gone deep enough for it to be dangerous that weekend, but now? It was time. With a smile and a thought to the note he had tried to leave the first time, he made three deep, vertical cuts on his left forearm, followed by the right. No one would know about what had happened now. And he would see Sammy again.

*****

Castiel always went to the bathroom before lunch to wash his hands, and always used the bathroom no one else did. It was generally empty, but he saw wheels in the handicap stall. There was only one person in school in a wheelchair. Dean was in the handicap stall. Or at least his chair was. There was no movement and no sound. Castiel started to get worried.

And then there was a single drip of blood hitting the floor as if in slow motion next to the wheel. Instantly, Castiel called Lucifer as he ran to the door of the stall. 

He held the phone against his ear, listening to it ring until finally his older brother picked it up. "Castiel. What's wrong?"

"Dean. He's bleeding. I don't know how bad it is yet. But please hurry." Castiel knew his older brother would help him. He just knew it. 

Lucifer confirmed that with a simple. "On my way. Assess the damage." Castiel hung up the phone and dug in his pocket for a quarter. He used it to turn the lock and nearly screamed at what he saw. His Dean (not his Dean) was bleeding out, and there was a pocketknife in his lap. 

He took a couple steps to get to the front of the wheelchair and found himself locked in eye contact with Dean, who was still conscious. "Cas?" His voice was weak, but his eyes had lit up when he saw Castiel. 

Castiel nodded. "Dean, why did you do this?" He could hear his voice shaking and could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. 

"Join Sammy...protect Bobby and Ellen..." He trailed off, and his eyes closed. 

Castiel panicked then. "No, Dean, come on, you have to stay awake until help gets here. Please!" He couldn't lose Dean again. He couldn't. He had found him. He could save him. _Please, God, let him live,_ he prayed. He wasn't religious, he knew that, but any little bit helped. 

Dean's eyes flickered open. "Why should I?"

Castiel started to cry. He couldn't help it. He choked out, "Because I love you! Please, Dean. Please stay awake. I don't know what I'd do without you." 

Dean's eyes widened a bit. "Cas..."

"Dean?" He was going to send him away. Castiel just knew it, but he was never going to leave. He wouldn't leave his Dean.

Dean licked his lips. "Will you stay with me?" he asked, voice utterly broken. 

"I will always stay with you. Always." Castiel held Dean's face in his hands. "Just please stay awake."

Dean nodded slowly. "For you." And his eyes remained locked onto Castiel's, lids fluttering up and down. Castiel removed his hands from his face and pressed them against the cuts on his wrists, trying to apply enough pressure to keep him from bleeding out until his brother arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'd really love to know what you guys thought of that chapter, and next chapter much will be explained. I love hearing from you <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter! I can't believe I wrote two chapters in one day. But I did :) so you get two updates in a day to close out this installation.
> 
> Triggers: mentions of suicide attempt, description of a suicide attempt (mostly clinical).

Ellen was getting sick and tired of picking up this damn phone. As it rang again, she snatched it up angrily, hoping to God it wasn't something bad about her boys. But of course when she greeted the caller, the response was, "Mrs. Singer-Harvelle? This is Ruth at Washington High School, how are you?"

Ellen pursed her lips as she said, "I'm fine. Why are you calling me?"

"Well, Mrs. Singer-Harvelle—"

"Ellen," Ellen broke in.

"Ellen, Dean Winchester did not attend his classes during the afternoon, and we are required to let a parent or guardian know when this occurs." Ellen was fed up with office women calling her and telling her such bad news in so calm a voice. 

She took a deep breath. "The boy was in a wheelchair. Surely someone saw him leave."

"No ma'am. And that's the funny thing. The wheelchair was in the boy's restroom when another student went in." Ellen was going to scream. These incompetent idiots trying to take care of high school students? "We aren't sure where Dean is if you don't know."

"Listen here, Ruth. This means he's missing, because he didn't show up here, and the boy is wheelchair-bound. He was taken." The implications of this frankly frightened Ellen. 

A patient sigh occurred on the other end of the line. "Then you should report that, Ellen."

"I think I will," Ellen said, and the venom in her tone astounded her. She wasn't really angry with Ruth, she knew that. But she wanted her children all to be safe. She wasn't sure about where Sam was, but she firmly believed he was just missing. Though the missing gun said otherwise, Ellen needed that hope. She hung up the phone with no further words.

She dialed the next number quickly. "Hey, Ellen, what's going on?"

"I know I called your personal cell, but Jody, this is important. Dean is missing." Ellen was frantic. "His wheelchair was still at school and no one saw him leave. Please, do something."

Jody was silent for a minute. "I'll do everything I'm able to do, Ellen. I promise." 

Ellen nearly cried with relief. "Thank you, Jody. Thank you so much. I don't know what I'd do if I lost both my boys."

Jody gave a small chuckle. "I understand. I'll call you if there's news?"

"That sounds like a great plan. Thanks again!" They hung up after their goodbyes and Ellen sat down in a kitchen chair, mollified for the time. She was raring to tell Bobby what had happened, though. As soon as he finished the car he was working on, she told herself. Then she would let him know. And hopefully Jody would know something soon. 

Bobby came inside soon. It was nearing dusk and he never liked working very long on a car. Said it spoiled his energy. Ellen had made hamburgers, her special recipe that she had never let anyone know, except Dean. She had taught him years ago so he could sometimes make Sam a special treat when John wasn't home. 

She sat down across the table from her husband and put together her burger, while watching Bobby do the same. "The school called earlier," she said in response to the glance Bobby threw at the empty chair next to them. "Dean apparently skipped the afternoon today, leaving his wheelchair behind in the bathroom."

Bobby had been about to take a big bite of burger, but he set it down carefully, as though it might explode. "He skipped school? Without his wheelchair? That doesn't make much sense." Bobby's face had gone deadly serious. "Did you call Jody?"

Ellen nodded. "She said she'd do everything she could. That's about all we can ask for, here." Shrugging, she continued, "No one saw him leave. There's nothing we can do. So I made burgers. Maybe the smell will bring Dean home."

Ellen broke down and started sobbing, hating how weak it must make her seem. Bobby's arms were quickly encircling her from behind. She didn't even realize he had stood up, but she turned and cried into his shoulder. She was going to lose all of them.

*****

When Lucifer had gotten that call from his brother he knew he had to move fast. He was running as soon as he heard the name "Dean." Once he had hung up with Castiel, he sped to the school, making a quick call to his brother, and it was a damn good thing no one stopped him. He couldn't risk losing the older Winchester. Especially if Castiel was right there.

He flashed a substitute teacher ID at the office and ran straight to the bathroom. "Castiel!" He made his way to the stall that had the wheels in it and the sound of helpless crying. His younger brother was desperately pressing down on bleeding wrists, and at the sound of Lucifer's voice, he looked at his older brother. "Give me a damage report." This was how he coped with a crisis. He slipped into a commander role and ordered everyone around.

Castiel, who had been through quite a bit of training with Lucifer, nodded and stopped crying, putting on an extremely determined (some would say intimidating) face. "Three long vertical cuts, each wrist. Suicide attempt." He choked on the words but kept talking. "Still conscious, barely. Recommend we take him to the hospital for blood transfusion and stitches."

Lucifer shook his head. "We have the supplies at home. A hospital would keep him on suicide watch." He knelt next to Castiel and pulled off his jacket. "Use the sleeves as wrappings, quick."

"Lucifer? What're you doing here?" Dean said blearily. 

Lucifer shushed him. "Helping." He looked at Castiel, who was wrapping his sleeves tightly around Dean's arms. "All right. I'll carry him out. Michael is erasing us from security footage and I've got Raphael talking to the office. No students were in the hall, so there won't be other witnesses. If there are, Raphael will handle them. Follow me." He lifted Dean bridal style from the wheelchair, taking note of the multiple casts and trying to be careful not to hurt them. 

He led his brother out the door and down the stairs. True to his thought, no one was there to see them leave. He laid Dean in the back seat and climbed in the front. "Castiel, I want you to come home. Father will understand."

Castiel just nodded, expression numb, and climbed into the passenger seat. Lucifer drove them home carefully, trying not to jostle Dean around too much. Hopefully he wouldn't die before Lucifer got him into their infirmary.

He called Lilith as he drove. Secrecy could no longer be paramount with Castiel. The conversation wouldn't reveal everything, he reasoned. And after that, he would call the sheriff. No need for Dean's apparent kidnapping to become a giant investigation, after all.

*****

Lilith answered the phone with a smile and a, "What can I do for you?" just as any customer service representative would. She found it funny, and in normal circumstances she knew Lucifer would as well, but his tone of voice informed her the circumstances were anything but normal.

"Dean nearly died. I need a specialist. Preferably psychology. These brothers need help, and I have to control it." He was speaking quickly and vaguely, not saying her name and not giving any real information. 

Lilith realized he must have been with someone, and deduced from the tone that it had to be Castiel. She thought for a moment before the image of the twins swam before her eyes. The two men were clinical psychology grad students at Augustana College in town. Many people didn't know they were twins because they looked nothing alike, but Lilith had worked with them before. They could be very helpful if she could convince them. "The Rolston twins?" she suggested.

"Call them." Before she could respond, Lucifer hung up on her. She sighed. Not even a goodbye. She knew Lucifer was busy, but she wished he would treat her like a friend every once in a while. She had never betrayed him, so she didn't see why he always simply treated her like a tool or weapon.

She shrugged to herself and scrolled through her contacts until she found one of the twins. She pressed call and waited for him to pick up. "Hello?" he said, after five rings. 

"Hey, it's Lilith." She stayed casual. He knew she was trying to get him to do another job. Pushing for it in the beginning wouldn't help anything. 

"You need my help?" Oh, so she should have pushed.

"And your brother's. As soon as possible." If she had been dealing with the other twin, she would have allowed a note of pleading to enter her voice. That would make him do anything she wanted. But this one responded better to commands. 

There was silence on the line for a moment. "Would we be working with you or with someone else?"

"The big boss himself," Lilith responded, and was gratified to hear a smile in his tone upon his quick response.

"We'll be there in a few days. Let this week pass and we'll be home free for a few days."

Lilith knew this was all she would get out of the man for now. Terms could be negotiated later. "I look forward to it," she said.

"As do I. Goodbye."

Lilith smiled as she replied, "Goodbye." She had always liked that twin. He treated her like a person. But she would always remain loyal to Lucifer, her Master. Always.

*****

Dean blinked awake with a massive pain in his arms and a sense that he was tied down. He tried to sit up, but it seemed that sense was accurate. He was handcuffed to the bed by his wrists and ankles. If he wasn't in so much pain, he would have made a snarky comment about that. But at the moment he was more focused on the face looming above him...Cas's father. And behind him was a younger bvlack man he had never seen before. "Well, Dean, welcome to my home. My son seems to have brought you here, along with a few others. Don't worry," he said, smiling down at Dean, "You'll all live, and live comfortably after a while. We've stitched you up."

Dean vaguely remembered what had transpired in the bathroom, but it got really foggy where Cas showed up. "Cas brought me here?"

His voice was raspy, and he wondered just how long he had been unconscious.

"No, Lucifer did. With Castiel," he put an emphasis on pronouncing the last part of Castiel. "I try not to involve myself in my children's work, but I am curious. Why is Lucifer so interested in you and your brother?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's all for now! I'll be doing Camp NaNoWriMo next month so no promises on when I can post chapters of the next installment. I'd love to hear predictions, questions, or just comments :)
> 
> As always, thank you guys for sticking with me through this. Every time I read a comment, see new kudos, or a new bookmark, it puts a giant smile on my face. <3


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